17/02/2014 17:00![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
my_thestral
my_thestralAuthor's note: See previous part abut this devil's creation. :P Summary: hard to write, un-betaed, no money made, no infringement intended - that about covers it. :)
Word count: 7845 (this part)
Pairing: Ron/Draco, some mention of past Ron/Harry
Rating: Still an R - civil language fails me time and time again
Disclaimer: See Part 11/1
As soon as Ron stepped out of the fireplace, looking tired but strangely radiant, Arthur was flushed with humbling awareness how much he had missed his youngest son. Not for the first time in his life he wished he was more like his passionate wife, who had no reservations in expressing her feelings of anxiety and motherly love. She all but screamed happily, and proceeded to try to crush him in her embrace, all the time scolding him for being “too thin”, “over-worked” and “too lazy to visit”. Not a word was spoken of his supposed wrong doings as if Molly wanted to make the best of her chance to bestow her motherly affection onto her child before any disagreements might come between them and ruin the moment. Arthur wished it was this easy for him.
Ron seemed to have thinned but somehow grown even taller since the last time Arthur had seen him and it felt as if his presence filled up the room to the roof – there was no escaping it. And as much as he wanted to hug his youngest son and tell him how much he had missed him, he also wanted to shake him and tell him to get the hell away from the rotten Malfoys, to demand answers from him and make him give a promise he will reconsider. He stared at the lean long figure and was overwhelmed with deep primal urge to protect him, to protect what was his and keep him safe from the world that was bound to hurt and corrupt him.
But it was too late. When Ron’s stare found him across the room and Arthur looked into those crystal sapphire blue eyes, so alike his own, he realized he might as well have been looking at night sky and wished to change it. It was all in vain. The man behind those eyes was beyond his reach. Ron looked at his father honestly, proudly and with a small smile that said “I know. I know, dad.” And Arthur knew then he won’t be able to move him an inch or make him change his mind. This is where the Prewett genes kicked in. Once Ron made a decision, Arthur might as well have been knocking his head at the concrete wall, his son wouldn’t budge a hair’s width. But he still wanted an explanation.
Ron broke the quiet link they shared by leaning down to his mother and kissing the top of her head.
“Bloody hell, mom. You’d think I was lost in space for decades. I wanted to come earlier…” he hesitated for a second and then seemed to have made a decision, “… but I wasn’t sure I was still welcome.”
“Oh, Ronnie… you can’t still be mad at me because of that Howler!” Molly only squeezed him tighter and looked up into his eyes apologetically. “You know how I get… Merlin, you’ve upset us so… Ginny was terribly besides herself and it was all such an impossible mess… and then Harry apologized and it made sense to forgive him and let bygones be bygones… though, perhaps that was not the best course of action… but you were always welcome! How could you… you’re my son, no matter what and God help me I should ever lose another child…”
And as unexpectedly as that Molly started sobbing in her youngest son’s arms and Ron hugged her as if for a moment there their roles were reversed and he was the one with the power to make things better for her.
“Shhhh, mom… I’m sorry it took me so long, alright? I’m sorry. It was just… complicated, but it isn’t anymore. I… Harry and I still have to talk about it, but there’s nothing going on anymore and there won’t be. I let Harry go, like I should have done a long time ago. And as sure as hell I didn’t come here to make you cry, mom. Please don’t cry, mom…”
His voice sounded so lost and helpless she couldn’t help but smile through her tears and she hugged him even more fiercely.
“Oh, Ronnie… it’s so good to have you back. It really is!”
“I know, mom… I know. And I’m sorry. And I’m ready to come to lunch every Sunday if you’ll have me, just… I need to tell you some things first… all of you… no more secrets, no more lies, alright?”
He had gently moved her away slightly from his embrace, just to look her straight in the eye and she gave a small nod and try to fight her tears to let him speak.
“I reckon you’ve all seen the Prophet this morning, yeah?” Ron merely glanced around the room and their silence was enough of confirmation for him to continue. “Many things in that article are merely a waste of paper and time, but a few things are true and I would like you to hear it from my mouth, as it happened. I… I went out with Draco Malfoy last night. I woke up yesterday morning to find him assigned as my new partner and as expected, it had all turned into a screaming contest within minutes of us sharing the breathing space… except when I stared down his face ready to punch his lights out, he completely shattered… he... oh, in short, he called me an oblivious idiot and told me he’s been crazy about me since we went to school together.
It was… unexpected to say the least and even a bit scary, to see him fall apart like this. Malfoys… don’t do that. But he did. For me. No one’s ever done that before for me… waited so long, put everything on the line…. No one’s ever… I was never the one, the only one. There were always so many of us and I’m not the best at making myself stand out of the crowd. No offence, mom, dad, but I was just another son. And later when there was Harry, there was Ginny to think about and with Hermione – it was obvious she had higher regard for Harry’s opinion and her career plans than our marriage… In short, no one’s ever put me first. And suddenly he had. A Malfoy, of all people.
I know what you must be thinking, dad, I was thinking it, too. That this is all some kind of an elaborate plan that would eventually end up in my humiliation, that I shouldn’t trust him. But then he went on and said… and did… things that made me believe he might actually be serious about it, about us. He… I…”
Ron bit his lip and looked around nervously as if trying to gather his scattered thoughts and soak up some of the energy of his home, the place of so many happy memories, to help him get through to his family:
“I know it’s hard for you to imagine, but… I just want to be the only one for someone. Bloody hell, this sounds stupid when I say it like this, but I guess… I need it. This household, what you, mom and dad, have got, it’s just… so much love, it always made me yearn for something like that for myself. That someone’s eyes would light up just because I walked into the room, like yours do, mom, when dad walks through the door. I guess I’m that kind of a... romantic fool, I suppose, that always dreamt about having someone to hold my hand proudly and tell the whole world how over the moon they are to be with me. Not with these words, of course… and perhaps the holding hands part also doesn’t play a pivotal role… oh, bloody hell, you all know what I mean, stop snickering, George! What I’m trying to say is, that I always wanted someone like that, someone for whom I was the first and only choice and for the first time in my life, I was willing to let go of hope that this was going to be Harry.
I… Ginny told you, didn’t she? About me and Harry, she must have, that Howler… well, she could not have told you the whole story, because my guess is, she doesn’t know it. Harry and I… well, at least I, speaking for myself, I think I must have been in love with Harry before I even met him. All those stories about him in the books, the mystery of his survival, the hint of so much power hiding inside a mere infant – they all spiked my imagination like anything… and then I met that shy lonely boy everybody knew about and he wanted to be my friend and made me feel like a million galleons worth! He turned down Malfoy’s friendship for me, imagine that! For me, for Ron Weasley, a complete and utter nobody! I was “the one he’d miss the most”, bloody hell, if nothing else, that should have given you a clue how wrapped around each other we’ve become over the years.
And as mortified as this might make you, sometime down the road it stopped mattering that he was a boy. There’s no words for how it bothered me at first… I was completely beside myself, having all those terrible feelings I didn’t know what to do with, totally inappropriate and… unacceptable, I guess. But then one night he needed my comfort after one of those terrible nightmares he used to have and they just flew out of me, those feelings… and he took them, took my love and gave it right back and from then on it didn’t matter anymore.
So we got… physical. While we were still in school. Before he ever went out with Ginny, he was with me. I would have done anything for him; told you about us, keep it a secret, never act on it again – anything, I would have done anything for my Harry. With all the raging teenage hormones on one side and all the deaths and the misery and the horrors on another, eventually it just seemed irrelevant that we were both boys. I guess we never expected to have much of a future, so we took love and comfort where we could find it, while we still could. It could all be over the next day and we’d have nothing but regrets if we’d miss out even on what little that was.
And then suddenly there it was - a proper future, and I know, for my part, it had left me pretty damn confused. So I figured I better do what was expected of me to do and hope for the best. So I married Hermione and tried to be happy that Harry got Ginny and would finally have his own family – something I knew he was desperate for. And I’m not sorry. Those years gave me Rose and Hugo and I still can’t believe something as wonderful as that came out me. They’re so… awesome, my two little wonders. But I guess I should not have left matters unresolved. Harry was my first true love and for all its worth, I always believed he was going to be my only one. I loved Hermione – but she was no match for Harry once he discovered he was not willing to quite let go of me either.
And it was wrong. We hurt many people, Hermione and Ginny included, but we’ve also hurt ourselves and each other. I never wanted to be someone’s dirty little secret and it bothered me to no end that Harry was not prepared to ever make me anything else. So this is where I was when Malfoy stepped back into my life. Malfoy, Draco, has been following my footsteps and I never noticed. He got a job, a job, dad, when the whole world knows Malfoys think that paid work is beneath them – but he did it to stay close to me. And by the time he found out that Harry and I resumed our relationship, he was pretty damn desperate. So he found a way to let Hermione know and then the whole thing just exploded in our faces. It was all his doing, he admitted it himself – and he did it all for me. Now, I know I should be mad at him for ruining our lives like that – but at that point there wasn’t much of the real thing left to ruin, it had all become about lies and pretences and false promises. And he had done it for me. That was… for me, it meant everything.
Either way – what he’d done, it didn’t work right away and it certainly didn’t work the way he planned it would, but eventually, inevitably, we crashed into one another – and before I knew it, it just exploded around me, the whole crash-bang-thing, the fireworks I’ve been waiting for all my life… suddenly it was all there. After all this time, all those years I was looking for it in vain, the most unlikely person made it happen for me and what he gave me… it cut me to the core. I know you expect me to explain...“ - he looked around the room with eyes as bright as blue flames and then smiled softly – “... but I can’t. How do you explain love? I sure as heck know I can’t. I just know how he makes me feel. Like I’m a million galleons worth, just like Harry once did. Except he’s not afraid to show it, he’s not ashamed of me, of us, he’s proudly flaunting me around like I’m the world’s biggest prize or something! And as fu… screwed up as it might be, we just work for each other.
He treats me right, he bloody well adores me –and it would all be worthless if he didn’t feel right. Here, in my heart. But he does. I don’t know how, but somehow when I look into his eyes, we speak the same language. The way he loves me – it puts me on top of the world. No one’s ever made me feel like that before… except Harry. And I won’t have Harry, not after the way he’s treated me.
So I suppose I came here today to ask for... “ He stopped abruptly, trying to figure out how to tell them what he really wanted to say: that he came there for their love, the unconditional sort, the “no matter what you do, we’ll always love you” kind. But it would hurt his mother if she thought he was saying he never got it so far. And he knew they would understand even if he didn’t quite use those words. So, instead, he finished quietly:
“I came to ask for your support, your blessing, if you like. I’d really appreciate that. We won’t get it from the Malfoys. Merlin knows what will come from there - hexes by a dozen, I imagine! - Malfoy Senior won’t be too particular when it comes to protecting his family honour and his precious son from the “Weasley plague”. So I would really like to have you on my side, if you’re willing to accept us. I know I’m asking a lot – god forbid anything should ever be easy when Malfoys are involved! – but I wouldn’t ask if I thought what we had was wrong. I never asked for your approval much, because I never needed it – I had mostly made all the right choices on my own. But this is one hell of a hard choice to make, so I would mean the world for me if you were behind me on it.
Because for me – he’s worth it. I know you, all of you, might not be able to understand completely, what draws me to another man, what pulls me to one Malfoy of all people, someone who never did much else than tried to hurt me. But know this: Draco is not his father, though he was raised to become just like him. He might still be mean and petty at times, he knows no better - but he’s also fiercely protective, loyal to a fault and most of all – he loves me like crazy. And his love… it just heals all my wounds, all my insecurities, it puts me to peace, like I finally found what I wanted. I just know I won’t find better than that. I don’t want to go looking.”
He looked around them with his eyes bright and everyone understood what went unspoken: He’d really like their support, but if they won’t give it, he was digging his heels in to stand alone. And it broke Arthur’s heart that anyone should find himself in such a position. Let alone his own flesh and blood. He coughed softly to get their attention and glanced at his wife to seek her approval. After seeing the big tears glistening in the big brown eyes, begging him not to rob her of another child, and the trembling lips pressed together, trying to keep a flood of feelings at bay, he saw there really was no other way:
“I suppose I speak for everyone when I say that you are a part of this family, Ron, no matter what you’ve done - and you always will be. An important part, a cherished part. Perhaps we did not always find the right words and the right time to say them, but we do love you, Ronald, and we all missed you terribly. I hope we will never let you down. I can’t pretend I can understand your choice of a partner… but I’m willing to give him a chance. On your word alone. So if Lucius Malfoy thinks my son is not good enough for his precious boy, I’d be more than happy to explain he needn’t bother turning his long nose up – as long as his son is with you, he’s part of our family. And if Malfoy junior – Merlin forbid – hurts you and leaves you torn apart, we will be here for you, son. And - God help his soul - your mother here will happily tear him to pieces, she’s good like that. After all, dealing out justice to that particular family seems to be a bit of a specialty of hers.”
Arthur barely managed a small smile, before a squealing Molly Weasley rushed into his arms and attempted to crush him in her embrace, all the while sobbing wildly: “Oh, Artie… I’m so glad I married you!!!”
Ron felt a knot in his throat form and it felt just a little bit too much like he was seeing the world blurred through unexpected drops of moisture, so he blinked a couple of times quickly to make it go away – he knew if he cried now, in front of his brothers, he would never hear the end of it, he’d never live down the taunting of what a nancy he’d become after one night with Malfoy! But he really did it, didn’t he?! He managed to persuade his dad to give Draco a chance and that was all he needed. A small window of opportunity and all he had to do now was to knock it into a certain blond head that its owner should be on his best behaviour when he was around his family. He wasn’t worried about that. He could think of several ways that would make it his pleasure to persuade that particular blond head to do his bidding.
He caught a glimpse of an impressed smile forming on Bill’s face… and a moment later a look of alarm. This was all the warning he got. He acted on pure instinct and dived to the side precisely when a desperate Percy’s “Ginny, no!” was cut short by a loud “Sectumsempra!” crashing into the spot he occupied just a moment ago. A complete chaos of rustling, screams and sobbing erupted behind his back, so he did what he thought best – he disapparated and immediately apparated in the doorway to the kitchen. No one heard the soft pop of apparition in the commotion that took place after Ginny’s outburst of violence and as quietly as a mountain cat he approached his little sister from behind. Ginny was still holding her wand in her shaky outstretched arm as if petrified, the hazy unstable look in her eyes making her look as if she was barely holding onto her sanity.
Her cheek sported a clearly visible outline of her mother’s hand in red print and a furious Molly Weasley would not be stopped:
“How dare you!!! Under my roof!!! My own son, my youngest!!! Haven’t you put him through enough?! How dare you blame it all on him?! And to go after him with this horrible hex... Do you have any idea what you could have done!?”
“It suits him right!!!” screeched the ghastly pale girl. “He should bare the same scars as his precious Death Eater boyfriend! My Harry had the mind to put it on him all those years ago, it’s only fair that Ron has a matching set, the bastard, after all he’s done…!”
“Have I given birth to an imbecile?!!! There are none of us trained Healers here, you daft child!” bellowed her mother. “Draco Malfoy had Professor Snape at his side moments after he was hexed and still he barely saved his life! And don’t you bring your husband into this!! Harry was a child, he made a stupid decision to use a hex he knew nothing about and he was profoundly sorry and ashamed of himself after what he had done. But if he ever found out you went after Ron with this hex, deliberately, knowing what it could do, he might just murder you himself!!!”
And those words were enough to make Ginny’s wand clatter to the ground and have her crumble into herself. Ron caught her from behind midway her fall and steadied her in a tight solid embrace, looking at his mother calmly:
“Enough, mom, enough, Ginny…”
When the redheaded girl recognised her brother’s voice, she tried to break his hold on her, but a steel vice of a trained Auror was too much for her strength. She merely succeeded to spin inside the bear-hug to face him and banged her fists against the muscled torso:
“Why does he always have to choose you?! Why!?” she half screamed, half sobbed. “Why you!? I wish you were dead! I wish I was…” She broke down into a stream of hysterical sobs and tears and all the while Ron held her as if taking her anger and unrestrained aggression was a way to wash some of his guilt away. He never showed any signs he was willing to let go of her, even when she slapped him repeatedly and began spitting one insult after another into his face, as if he understood she would never have said anything half as horrible if he didn’t cut her so deeply. He simply anchored her and let all her wrath wash over him it and clean them both.
Bill took one look at them and quietly motioned to his family to let them be, to give them some space and one after another the Weasley family members dissolved into the tiny space of the Burrow.
A long time after they were left alone, Ginny’s sobs finally subsided and her fists fell loose by her sides… and slowly closed behind her brother’s back as if she suddenly felt robbed of all the strength she ever possessed.
She never felt so very empty, frail and exposed in all her life and for a moment there she was so fragile, her numbed brains allowed her to forget that she was only being held together by the very person who caused her distress. Her mind was completely blank and in the stillness that seemed to have frozen all the movements and all the sounds of the proverbially vibrant Weasley household she found solace inside the warm embrace made up of strong arms, securing her against a body, radiating the feeling of safety. Something about that hug was telling her everything was going to be alright and she was too destroyed to care where the feeling came from.
And then unexpectedly she felt the bear hug loosen up and her head was slowly pushed up by an unrelenting finger under her chin until she stared her brother in the eyes. And they were moist and so very blue from up close she somehow couldn’t hate him as much as she wanted to just because they were the very colour of innocence and because his voice was rough with all the held back emotion and regret:
“I never meant to hurt you, Gin. I’m so sorry, I truly am. For all it’s worth, Harry never chose me, not once, not ever since he’s been with you. He never would have, what you two have is too important for him... as it should be. What we had - and it’s all in the past now –was never going to be enough for either of us. He would always regret losing his family, or a chance of it and it would always feel wrong if I was to take him from you. I... tried... God help me, as much as I’m ashamed of it, I tried, I asked him to give you up to be with me – and he wouldn’t.
So there you go: you and what you’ve got is more important than this... thing between us ever was. I won’t lie, I might never be indifferent to Harry, my world rotated around him for far too long for that and he’s my best friend in the world, no matter what – but I will make you an Unbreakable Vow if you want me to, that I’ll never come between you and him as a husband and wife, ever again. It’s just... too hurtful and I wouldn’t be able to build my fortune on someone else’s misery, least of all yours, little sister.
I always wanted the best for you, though it might sound bollocks from where you stand, but I would never willingly hurt you. I was just... trying to heal myself, I guess, through the only affection that felt real in my life. But Muggles got this one thing right - they say you can’t heal yourself by breaking someone else. So I won’t take what’s yours anymore. Not ever again.”
“Not even if he’s willing?” said Ginny in the quietest of voices. “Not even if he’s finally willing to give it all up for you, Ron?”
The tall redhead felt a knot in his throat form and he shook his head almost imperceptibly: “Not even if he is, Ginny. I’ve already moved on.”
“I was going to ask you how you could have done that to me, Ron,” Ginny said quietly. “But now I’m not going to. Because I know. He told me last night. He told me everything, Ronnie, and it hurt…”
She quietly started sobbing in his arms again and he held her, just closing his eyes and wishing for a way to take her pain on his shoulders.
“He told me… and you have no idea…” she somehow choked through her tears. “He loves you so… wish he’d love me half as much.... I don’t even compare... He’d do anything for you… just as I would do anything for him… except letting him go… I can’t Ronnie, I truly can’t. I tried thinking about it and I can’t stand the thought. I know it’s selfish of me, but I can’t make myself let go of him. I don’t know what I’d do… Don’t take him from me… please…”
She looked at her brother with so much pleading, like a child hopelessly wishing for a star, that it broke his heart:
“Shit, Gin... of course not. I wouldn’t… Of course I won’t. You don’t even have to ask. He’s all yours. As I said, I’ve already moved on. And I mean it, I do. Look... I know it’s hard for you to believe, hell, it’s even hard for me to believe, but that blond bastard just works for me... he loves me the way Harry never did, never would. No one’s ever shown me... such enthusiasm, I suppose,” he let a small smile slip and continued quickly to mask his embarrassment: “I wouldn’t go through the trouble of asking mom and dad to accept us as, well “us”, if it was just a one-night fling. You have to believe me. I...”
“And you? Do you love him, Ron?” Ginny interrupted, her voice quiet but underlined with urgency to know the truth, to make sure there won’t be another attempt at her fragile chance of future with Harry. “Do you? Because if you don’t and you’re only doing that to fill up a hole that letting go of Harry is going to leave behind, that’s awfully inconsiderate and cruel even for you. Malfoy... as much as I hate the ferret - and have no illusions, I do, honestly so – I feel nothing but pity for him if he really loves you as much as you say he does and you’re just going to try and fake the real thing with him...” And run back to Harry once the rush of first excitement is over went unspoken, but Ron didn’t need his skills as legilimens to hear her loud and clear.
So he figured he owed her the truth: “I don’t know,” he admitted. “I don’t know if this is love or some other madness entirely, but I know it’s left its mark on me in a way I cannot dismiss. I’m drawn to him with a force that seems beyond me and I have about as much power to fight it like the running water does the funnel – I just can’t seem to be able to turn and run the other way, run away from him. It’s almost… scary, so powerful and mind-shattering it is and... oh, bloody hell, he’s been the only thing on my mind ever since that bathroom... oh, you really don’t need to know.
Harry doesn’t even... he’s been my entire world for god knows how long and I swear to you I didn’t even think of him once since last night, not... romantically, if you like. And I just look at that pale haughty wanker and something inside me melts and I want to... oh, I know, I know, too much information,” he waved his long arms in the air nervously when he saw the petrified look in her eyes. “I guess the point I’m trying to make here is, you needn’t worry. Even if Draco and I don’t work out, I can’t go back to Harry, knowing that there’s something out like that out there to be had. I hope that’s love. I have nothing to compare it with,” he looked at her with disarming sincerity. “But I can’t imagine it getting any better.”
“Good. Good then,” she said after a short consideration. “You’re honest with me. I... thank you,” she said simply. “I’ve had quite enough lies. So I reckon I can be honest with you as well. I can’t... I won’t be able to forgive you for quite a while, I imagine, but as long as you can promise me – and mean it, Ron! – that you can keep away from my man, I’m ready to make you a peace offer. In spite of everything, I do love you, we’ve always been the closest, haven’t we?” she gave a tired smile and closed her eyes for a moment, melting into the simple joy of the tight warm embrace closing around her.
“Reminds me of the times when we held each other through the storm, Ronnie,” she whispered quietly. “Can we hold each other through this one, you think?” She looked at him hopefully, a silent plea in her brown eyes reminding him of happier times when her childish full-hearted belief in him gave him the courage to be strong for both of them. So he nodded and kissed her brow and spoke quietly, but adamantly, for they were no longer children:
“I think so… I hope so… but I cannot do this alone, Ginny. I’m going to need your help, your cooperation, if you like. Look, I know you hate everything that has to do with the Malfoys, there’s no point in lying about it, and you, of all people have better reasons than most to do so. I can’t change that… but I’m still going to ask you to be civil to Draco. I can’t play a game of constantly having to choose between one or the other member of my family and him. I can’t. What I have with him is too precious and if you’re going to try to make me lose it just to get back to me, I’d like to point out that this is definitely not in your best interest. You want me happy with another man, Ginny,” he looked at her pointedly and she was once again reminded that this man, her brother, as oblivious and as uncouth as he sometimes came across, was also a chess master supreme. Another man in this case was also a man who was not Harry. And the logic behind his words was undisputable.
So she nodded in quiet acquiescence and asked curtly: “Anything else?”
“Do not encourage Harry’s antagonism towards him. Say nothing, if you can’t bring yourself around to support us, but do not throw oil to the fire of Harry’s hatred towards Draco or there will be trouble none of us want for this family. You know I have temper, we all do. It must come with the hair or something. Either way - you know how protective I get and like it or not, Draco is mine now. The way he was as a kid – he hardly had a choice how he was going to turn out, considered who raised him. But he’s not the same man, Ginny. The war has changed us all and he is no exception. He has not done anything, as an adult, to deserve the loathing Harry’s been shovelling his way – except expose the lies we built our lives upon. I dare say eventually our lives will be better for it, though it might come across as a rough patch right now.
I will deal with Harry on my own terms, as soon as I can, and I hope there’s something left of our friendship by the time I get to it. With the rate he’s going, there might not be. You’d do us all a favour to remind him about that. We were friends before we were lovers and I can’t imagine not being on the same wagon with him. I love the man to death and back, though – no, don’t give me that look - I’m not in love with him. Not anymore. I wonder if I ever was, if what I felt for him ever went beyond childhood infatuation. Me and my hero-worship, he?
I guess what I’m trying to say is - I’ll do everything in my power to keep his friendship, but he needs to back off. For once, this is about me, about my chance to be happy and I won’ t have him blunder it for me. I can do that myself very well thank you very much! It’ll be hard enough as it is… this is a fucking Malfoy, Gin, sometimes I wonder what the hell am I thinking!? But the thing is – I’m not. Thinking that is. I’m just following my heart for once and as bizarre as it seems, it’s taking me towards Draco Malfoy. Bloody hell, huh?!”
And Ginny Weasley could not suppress a tiny smile at her brother’s sudden attack of anxiety, so much more alike the sensitive awkward boy she grew up with than this solid self-assured mountain of a man in front of her.
“Bloody hell,” she agreed, surprised at the sudden spark of amusement in her own exhausted voice. “You just might pay for all your sins after all Ronald Weasley! Going for a Malfoy, really...” she couldn’t help teasing and knowingly pouring some oil on the fire of his anxiety – but was startled to see him give a blissful, bone-melting grin that testified of his infatuation better than any of his attempt at wording could have done.
“I know, serves me right, he?” he mumbled happily, blushing like a teenager, and kissed her on the cheek enthusiastically. “He’s worth it, though. Once you get past the icy façade, he’s all that and more! He’s got this fucking incredible...”
“Oh, no you don’t, Ronald Billius Weasley! I might have agreed not to hex off your balls and the appendixes of your boyfriend at first sight, but that does not mean that I’m willing to lend an ear to the glorification of the redeeming qualities of your pet snake! I think it’s pretty safe to say that there will never be a good time for that! And Ron – “ she looked him in the eye and after a short consideration gave a small peck on his cheek to seal their peace treaty.
“It’s love. No need to worry about that. The oblivious log you are, might not be able to recognise it, but you always wore your heart on the sleeve and right now you might as well be wearing a big blinking necklace saying “I’m crazy about Draco Malfoy”. You... glow, when you talk about him, and you get all protective and manly and bloody hell, I think the git is in for a ride of his life!” she finally laughed out loud full-heartedly at the sight of the suddenly tomato-like colour of her brother’s complexion, clearly spelling out the charming mixture of distress, embarrassment and enthusiasm.
“Now –how would you like to see the children, before you go? I know Hermione said a week at Granny Molly and they wouldn’t have it any other way, but I caught Rosie crying herself to sleep last night, because no one tucks her in like her “Pa” and there’s no saying what direction Hugo’s untamed magic might explode in, if he found out his Pa visited and never bothered to show his face! Did anyone tell you that he broke mom’s entire antique coffee set, levitating it around the room yesterday, no wand, nothing! No? Well, he did and mom wasn’t even angry, she almost burst at seams instead, so proud she was! Imagine one of us doing that, I’d rather volunteer for Azkaban, thank you very much! But his magic is amazing! Mom said...”
~
Carefully focused upon a safe topic of children, Ginny slowly led Ron outside and once the door clicked behind them at long last, two persons hiding behind a Disillusionment charm on the stairs were able to relax.
“I guess that’s it, then. It doesn’t look like she’ll try to hex him again, the smooth talker he is! What a bloody drama it was! You can put your wand away now, Charlie,” mumbled Bill, leaning backwards against a wide frame of his dragon-tamer of a brother and sounding just a bit exhausted.
“It’s not a wand, you fool...” whispered a warm breath right next to his ear and sent a jolt of new life through the tall muscled frame of the oldest one of Weasley children. “What’s the matter, Billy? Haven’t had one in such a long time you don’t recognise it anymore?” Charlie whispered in his taller brother’s ear, but his attempt at ridicule was lost in a poorly concealed moan when the Head Curse-breaker of the distinguished and exceedingly boring institution of Gringotts turned around and knocked his brother against the wall fiercely. Bill’s mouth was on Charlie before he could draw another breath and it was hot and desperate and needy, as only the mouth of one person, who didn’t get nearly enough of what they wanted most, could be.
“You know I’d only ever recognise yours...” Bill breathed inside his brother’s mouth and made him moan once again with a slow rubbing of obscenely talented silken tongue. “It’s only ever been you, Charlie... I’m waiting for you... each time... every time... no matter how long you make me wait... once a month is not enough... it’s never going to be enough for us... and there’s never going to be anyone else for me... put a continent between us and I’ll want you through the distance... put a string of your lovers - and they don’t matter... like my wife doesn’t... not when I’m with you. You’re all there is,” he said simply and destroyed what little self-preservation Charlie brought along, telling him to stay the fuck away from his very own brother.
He couldn’t. He never could. If anyone knew definition of hopeless love, it was Charlie. And he was past caring. It was love all the same. This was Bill and he was worth it all to Charlie. The isolation from his family because he couldn’t face the fake picture-happiness of Bill’s other life. The lonely bed; empty, save for that one time a month when it was warm and bubbling with joy, a small corner of the Universe, steamy with forbidden closeness and unleashed desire; a ridiculous caricature of his empty life thrown in a limbo by the crippling love. A small million of meaningless brief encounters with faceless lovers, never rubbing off on his soul; the lies and the secrets and the half-truths; the lost hopes of ever becoming a father.... This was Bill. Charlie’s very own poison. He’d rather die of it than give it up.
~
“Don’t be impatient, we can’t make a move yet.”
The voice of Harry Potter was tired, but as adamant as always as he stared at the steely grey of Lucius Malfoy’s eyes unrelenting.
“I don’t see why not! My... person at the Ministry tells me they have separated after a visit to Shacklebolt’s office. And there has been more shameful display of scandalous behaviour...” – Lucius cut his words abruptly because he simply couldn’t bring himself to repeat his informant’s words that his son was seen holding hands with the Weasley Antichrist! – “I’m sure you realize this calls for emergency intervention! I will not have this... “ – he barely managed to swallow down “blood-traitor “...this Weasley spawn sink a boat of the Malfoy house with my son still sitting in it! They are separated, they are vulnerable, I say we move!” the master of Malfoy Manor all but knocked his foot on the ground in his impotent wrath.
“And my sources tell me that your son is no longer at the Ministry! Since you have no information to testify otherwise, my guess is, he’s at Ron’s apartment – his heavily warded apartment, mind you. I know Ron, when he’s careful, he’s downright paranoid and unless the wards have been tuned to let you in, you’d turn up at St. Mungo’s – or worse! – before you could say “don’t mess with Ron Weasley”. And Ron – that much we do know – is at the Burrow. And that’s... surprising, even to me,” Harry admitted.
“There always seems to be an element of chaos about Ron, that’s why he’s so successful at work, the bad guys just can’t seem to figure him out – and more often than not, it is the undoing of Ron’s opponents to underestimate him. He’s all strategy underneath. He knows what he’s doing – but right now – I don’t. I’m utter crap at chess – a “hero” here, not a master-mind, if you please,” he pointed at himself mockingly, sounding bitter.
“Frankly - I have no idea what he hopes to achieve by visiting his family after that Prophet article this morning and with my wife there, I can’t see that working out for him. Still… he’s on his home ground, I can’t hope to get to him and knock some sense into that thick carrot head of his, not with all the people strolling about the Burrow. No… we need to plan this much more carefully and have an element of surprise on our side if this is ever going to work. We have to wait until they’re on the neutral ground, somewhere without wards and too many witnesses and then you’re free to deal with your son while I take care of Ron. It shouldn’t be too long: your son is not exactly a hermit and he seems to be… eager to flaunt his newest conquest around…” - Harry ground his teeth together at the infuriating thought – “…so I say we wait. And in the mean time...
I would appreciate some more faith in my dedication to the matter of dragging those two their separate ways,” he finished by raising his voice as well as his eyebrow pointedly – it simply wouldn’t do to be ordered around by Lucius Malfoy of all people. “Need I remind you, that I came to you and not the other way around? Believe me, I’m as anxious to have this abominable delusional fling of theirs burst to pieces as you are – but we need to do this right and for good. Ron is one crazy stubborn motherf-… man, he’s incredibly resourceful and if we bollock that up due to some hasty action on our part, he will be much more careful next time and we might not get another chance for some time to come. And we can’t have that. I…” need Ron, he wanted to say, but it was not appropriate and it was none of their business. “I will not screw this up and I will not let you do that either!” he finished instead and stared at Lucius with sharp unbreakable green gaze until he saw him cave.
“Very well, then,” grunted the older man begrudgingly, clearly discontent. “I might be willing to wait a tad longer… I only hope you know your “mate” as well as you think you do,” he added with no small amount of poison, but never got the satisfaction of seeing him flinch:
“As well as you thought you knew your son, I suppose. But we’re all in the dark here,” Harry added quietly and turned to leave, the sagged shoulders the only testimony of how hard he found it to be working against his best mate.
Narcissa Malfoy née Black did her best to escape his notice and fade into the background. “In the dark…” he had said. Good then, Blacks always worked best in the dark. She had gotten a pretty good idea of her husband’s plotting in the last few hours and it broke her heart to see how merciless Lucius was willing to be to break their son. Well, not on her watch. She had devised a simple plan of her own and she was about to approach an unlikely ally.
~ End of Part 11/2 ~
Next: ( Choices, Part 12 )
See also:
( Choices, Part 1 )
( Choices, Part 2 )
( Choices, Part 3 )
( Choices, Part 4 )
( Choices, Part 5/1 )
( Choices, Part 5/2 )
( Choices, Part 6 )
( Choices, Part 7 )
( Choices, Part 8/1 )
( Choices, Part 8/2 )
( Choices, Part 9 )
( Choices, Part 10/1 )
( Choices, Part 10/2 )
( Choices, Part 11/1 )
Word count: 7845 (this part)
Pairing: Ron/Draco, some mention of past Ron/Harry
Rating: Still an R - civil language fails me time and time again
Disclaimer: See Part 11/1
As soon as Ron stepped out of the fireplace, looking tired but strangely radiant, Arthur was flushed with humbling awareness how much he had missed his youngest son. Not for the first time in his life he wished he was more like his passionate wife, who had no reservations in expressing her feelings of anxiety and motherly love. She all but screamed happily, and proceeded to try to crush him in her embrace, all the time scolding him for being “too thin”, “over-worked” and “too lazy to visit”. Not a word was spoken of his supposed wrong doings as if Molly wanted to make the best of her chance to bestow her motherly affection onto her child before any disagreements might come between them and ruin the moment. Arthur wished it was this easy for him.
Ron seemed to have thinned but somehow grown even taller since the last time Arthur had seen him and it felt as if his presence filled up the room to the roof – there was no escaping it. And as much as he wanted to hug his youngest son and tell him how much he had missed him, he also wanted to shake him and tell him to get the hell away from the rotten Malfoys, to demand answers from him and make him give a promise he will reconsider. He stared at the lean long figure and was overwhelmed with deep primal urge to protect him, to protect what was his and keep him safe from the world that was bound to hurt and corrupt him.
But it was too late. When Ron’s stare found him across the room and Arthur looked into those crystal sapphire blue eyes, so alike his own, he realized he might as well have been looking at night sky and wished to change it. It was all in vain. The man behind those eyes was beyond his reach. Ron looked at his father honestly, proudly and with a small smile that said “I know. I know, dad.” And Arthur knew then he won’t be able to move him an inch or make him change his mind. This is where the Prewett genes kicked in. Once Ron made a decision, Arthur might as well have been knocking his head at the concrete wall, his son wouldn’t budge a hair’s width. But he still wanted an explanation.
Ron broke the quiet link they shared by leaning down to his mother and kissing the top of her head.
“Bloody hell, mom. You’d think I was lost in space for decades. I wanted to come earlier…” he hesitated for a second and then seemed to have made a decision, “… but I wasn’t sure I was still welcome.”
“Oh, Ronnie… you can’t still be mad at me because of that Howler!” Molly only squeezed him tighter and looked up into his eyes apologetically. “You know how I get… Merlin, you’ve upset us so… Ginny was terribly besides herself and it was all such an impossible mess… and then Harry apologized and it made sense to forgive him and let bygones be bygones… though, perhaps that was not the best course of action… but you were always welcome! How could you… you’re my son, no matter what and God help me I should ever lose another child…”
And as unexpectedly as that Molly started sobbing in her youngest son’s arms and Ron hugged her as if for a moment there their roles were reversed and he was the one with the power to make things better for her.
“Shhhh, mom… I’m sorry it took me so long, alright? I’m sorry. It was just… complicated, but it isn’t anymore. I… Harry and I still have to talk about it, but there’s nothing going on anymore and there won’t be. I let Harry go, like I should have done a long time ago. And as sure as hell I didn’t come here to make you cry, mom. Please don’t cry, mom…”
His voice sounded so lost and helpless she couldn’t help but smile through her tears and she hugged him even more fiercely.
“Oh, Ronnie… it’s so good to have you back. It really is!”
“I know, mom… I know. And I’m sorry. And I’m ready to come to lunch every Sunday if you’ll have me, just… I need to tell you some things first… all of you… no more secrets, no more lies, alright?”
He had gently moved her away slightly from his embrace, just to look her straight in the eye and she gave a small nod and try to fight her tears to let him speak.
“I reckon you’ve all seen the Prophet this morning, yeah?” Ron merely glanced around the room and their silence was enough of confirmation for him to continue. “Many things in that article are merely a waste of paper and time, but a few things are true and I would like you to hear it from my mouth, as it happened. I… I went out with Draco Malfoy last night. I woke up yesterday morning to find him assigned as my new partner and as expected, it had all turned into a screaming contest within minutes of us sharing the breathing space… except when I stared down his face ready to punch his lights out, he completely shattered… he... oh, in short, he called me an oblivious idiot and told me he’s been crazy about me since we went to school together.
It was… unexpected to say the least and even a bit scary, to see him fall apart like this. Malfoys… don’t do that. But he did. For me. No one’s ever done that before for me… waited so long, put everything on the line…. No one’s ever… I was never the one, the only one. There were always so many of us and I’m not the best at making myself stand out of the crowd. No offence, mom, dad, but I was just another son. And later when there was Harry, there was Ginny to think about and with Hermione – it was obvious she had higher regard for Harry’s opinion and her career plans than our marriage… In short, no one’s ever put me first. And suddenly he had. A Malfoy, of all people.
I know what you must be thinking, dad, I was thinking it, too. That this is all some kind of an elaborate plan that would eventually end up in my humiliation, that I shouldn’t trust him. But then he went on and said… and did… things that made me believe he might actually be serious about it, about us. He… I…”
Ron bit his lip and looked around nervously as if trying to gather his scattered thoughts and soak up some of the energy of his home, the place of so many happy memories, to help him get through to his family:
“I know it’s hard for you to imagine, but… I just want to be the only one for someone. Bloody hell, this sounds stupid when I say it like this, but I guess… I need it. This household, what you, mom and dad, have got, it’s just… so much love, it always made me yearn for something like that for myself. That someone’s eyes would light up just because I walked into the room, like yours do, mom, when dad walks through the door. I guess I’m that kind of a... romantic fool, I suppose, that always dreamt about having someone to hold my hand proudly and tell the whole world how over the moon they are to be with me. Not with these words, of course… and perhaps the holding hands part also doesn’t play a pivotal role… oh, bloody hell, you all know what I mean, stop snickering, George! What I’m trying to say is, that I always wanted someone like that, someone for whom I was the first and only choice and for the first time in my life, I was willing to let go of hope that this was going to be Harry.
I… Ginny told you, didn’t she? About me and Harry, she must have, that Howler… well, she could not have told you the whole story, because my guess is, she doesn’t know it. Harry and I… well, at least I, speaking for myself, I think I must have been in love with Harry before I even met him. All those stories about him in the books, the mystery of his survival, the hint of so much power hiding inside a mere infant – they all spiked my imagination like anything… and then I met that shy lonely boy everybody knew about and he wanted to be my friend and made me feel like a million galleons worth! He turned down Malfoy’s friendship for me, imagine that! For me, for Ron Weasley, a complete and utter nobody! I was “the one he’d miss the most”, bloody hell, if nothing else, that should have given you a clue how wrapped around each other we’ve become over the years.
And as mortified as this might make you, sometime down the road it stopped mattering that he was a boy. There’s no words for how it bothered me at first… I was completely beside myself, having all those terrible feelings I didn’t know what to do with, totally inappropriate and… unacceptable, I guess. But then one night he needed my comfort after one of those terrible nightmares he used to have and they just flew out of me, those feelings… and he took them, took my love and gave it right back and from then on it didn’t matter anymore.
So we got… physical. While we were still in school. Before he ever went out with Ginny, he was with me. I would have done anything for him; told you about us, keep it a secret, never act on it again – anything, I would have done anything for my Harry. With all the raging teenage hormones on one side and all the deaths and the misery and the horrors on another, eventually it just seemed irrelevant that we were both boys. I guess we never expected to have much of a future, so we took love and comfort where we could find it, while we still could. It could all be over the next day and we’d have nothing but regrets if we’d miss out even on what little that was.
And then suddenly there it was - a proper future, and I know, for my part, it had left me pretty damn confused. So I figured I better do what was expected of me to do and hope for the best. So I married Hermione and tried to be happy that Harry got Ginny and would finally have his own family – something I knew he was desperate for. And I’m not sorry. Those years gave me Rose and Hugo and I still can’t believe something as wonderful as that came out me. They’re so… awesome, my two little wonders. But I guess I should not have left matters unresolved. Harry was my first true love and for all its worth, I always believed he was going to be my only one. I loved Hermione – but she was no match for Harry once he discovered he was not willing to quite let go of me either.
And it was wrong. We hurt many people, Hermione and Ginny included, but we’ve also hurt ourselves and each other. I never wanted to be someone’s dirty little secret and it bothered me to no end that Harry was not prepared to ever make me anything else. So this is where I was when Malfoy stepped back into my life. Malfoy, Draco, has been following my footsteps and I never noticed. He got a job, a job, dad, when the whole world knows Malfoys think that paid work is beneath them – but he did it to stay close to me. And by the time he found out that Harry and I resumed our relationship, he was pretty damn desperate. So he found a way to let Hermione know and then the whole thing just exploded in our faces. It was all his doing, he admitted it himself – and he did it all for me. Now, I know I should be mad at him for ruining our lives like that – but at that point there wasn’t much of the real thing left to ruin, it had all become about lies and pretences and false promises. And he had done it for me. That was… for me, it meant everything.
Either way – what he’d done, it didn’t work right away and it certainly didn’t work the way he planned it would, but eventually, inevitably, we crashed into one another – and before I knew it, it just exploded around me, the whole crash-bang-thing, the fireworks I’ve been waiting for all my life… suddenly it was all there. After all this time, all those years I was looking for it in vain, the most unlikely person made it happen for me and what he gave me… it cut me to the core. I know you expect me to explain...“ - he looked around the room with eyes as bright as blue flames and then smiled softly – “... but I can’t. How do you explain love? I sure as heck know I can’t. I just know how he makes me feel. Like I’m a million galleons worth, just like Harry once did. Except he’s not afraid to show it, he’s not ashamed of me, of us, he’s proudly flaunting me around like I’m the world’s biggest prize or something! And as fu… screwed up as it might be, we just work for each other.
He treats me right, he bloody well adores me –and it would all be worthless if he didn’t feel right. Here, in my heart. But he does. I don’t know how, but somehow when I look into his eyes, we speak the same language. The way he loves me – it puts me on top of the world. No one’s ever made me feel like that before… except Harry. And I won’t have Harry, not after the way he’s treated me.
So I suppose I came here today to ask for... “ He stopped abruptly, trying to figure out how to tell them what he really wanted to say: that he came there for their love, the unconditional sort, the “no matter what you do, we’ll always love you” kind. But it would hurt his mother if she thought he was saying he never got it so far. And he knew they would understand even if he didn’t quite use those words. So, instead, he finished quietly:
“I came to ask for your support, your blessing, if you like. I’d really appreciate that. We won’t get it from the Malfoys. Merlin knows what will come from there - hexes by a dozen, I imagine! - Malfoy Senior won’t be too particular when it comes to protecting his family honour and his precious son from the “Weasley plague”. So I would really like to have you on my side, if you’re willing to accept us. I know I’m asking a lot – god forbid anything should ever be easy when Malfoys are involved! – but I wouldn’t ask if I thought what we had was wrong. I never asked for your approval much, because I never needed it – I had mostly made all the right choices on my own. But this is one hell of a hard choice to make, so I would mean the world for me if you were behind me on it.
Because for me – he’s worth it. I know you, all of you, might not be able to understand completely, what draws me to another man, what pulls me to one Malfoy of all people, someone who never did much else than tried to hurt me. But know this: Draco is not his father, though he was raised to become just like him. He might still be mean and petty at times, he knows no better - but he’s also fiercely protective, loyal to a fault and most of all – he loves me like crazy. And his love… it just heals all my wounds, all my insecurities, it puts me to peace, like I finally found what I wanted. I just know I won’t find better than that. I don’t want to go looking.”
He looked around them with his eyes bright and everyone understood what went unspoken: He’d really like their support, but if they won’t give it, he was digging his heels in to stand alone. And it broke Arthur’s heart that anyone should find himself in such a position. Let alone his own flesh and blood. He coughed softly to get their attention and glanced at his wife to seek her approval. After seeing the big tears glistening in the big brown eyes, begging him not to rob her of another child, and the trembling lips pressed together, trying to keep a flood of feelings at bay, he saw there really was no other way:
“I suppose I speak for everyone when I say that you are a part of this family, Ron, no matter what you’ve done - and you always will be. An important part, a cherished part. Perhaps we did not always find the right words and the right time to say them, but we do love you, Ronald, and we all missed you terribly. I hope we will never let you down. I can’t pretend I can understand your choice of a partner… but I’m willing to give him a chance. On your word alone. So if Lucius Malfoy thinks my son is not good enough for his precious boy, I’d be more than happy to explain he needn’t bother turning his long nose up – as long as his son is with you, he’s part of our family. And if Malfoy junior – Merlin forbid – hurts you and leaves you torn apart, we will be here for you, son. And - God help his soul - your mother here will happily tear him to pieces, she’s good like that. After all, dealing out justice to that particular family seems to be a bit of a specialty of hers.”
Arthur barely managed a small smile, before a squealing Molly Weasley rushed into his arms and attempted to crush him in her embrace, all the while sobbing wildly: “Oh, Artie… I’m so glad I married you!!!”
Ron felt a knot in his throat form and it felt just a little bit too much like he was seeing the world blurred through unexpected drops of moisture, so he blinked a couple of times quickly to make it go away – he knew if he cried now, in front of his brothers, he would never hear the end of it, he’d never live down the taunting of what a nancy he’d become after one night with Malfoy! But he really did it, didn’t he?! He managed to persuade his dad to give Draco a chance and that was all he needed. A small window of opportunity and all he had to do now was to knock it into a certain blond head that its owner should be on his best behaviour when he was around his family. He wasn’t worried about that. He could think of several ways that would make it his pleasure to persuade that particular blond head to do his bidding.
He caught a glimpse of an impressed smile forming on Bill’s face… and a moment later a look of alarm. This was all the warning he got. He acted on pure instinct and dived to the side precisely when a desperate Percy’s “Ginny, no!” was cut short by a loud “Sectumsempra!” crashing into the spot he occupied just a moment ago. A complete chaos of rustling, screams and sobbing erupted behind his back, so he did what he thought best – he disapparated and immediately apparated in the doorway to the kitchen. No one heard the soft pop of apparition in the commotion that took place after Ginny’s outburst of violence and as quietly as a mountain cat he approached his little sister from behind. Ginny was still holding her wand in her shaky outstretched arm as if petrified, the hazy unstable look in her eyes making her look as if she was barely holding onto her sanity.
Her cheek sported a clearly visible outline of her mother’s hand in red print and a furious Molly Weasley would not be stopped:
“How dare you!!! Under my roof!!! My own son, my youngest!!! Haven’t you put him through enough?! How dare you blame it all on him?! And to go after him with this horrible hex... Do you have any idea what you could have done!?”
“It suits him right!!!” screeched the ghastly pale girl. “He should bare the same scars as his precious Death Eater boyfriend! My Harry had the mind to put it on him all those years ago, it’s only fair that Ron has a matching set, the bastard, after all he’s done…!”
“Have I given birth to an imbecile?!!! There are none of us trained Healers here, you daft child!” bellowed her mother. “Draco Malfoy had Professor Snape at his side moments after he was hexed and still he barely saved his life! And don’t you bring your husband into this!! Harry was a child, he made a stupid decision to use a hex he knew nothing about and he was profoundly sorry and ashamed of himself after what he had done. But if he ever found out you went after Ron with this hex, deliberately, knowing what it could do, he might just murder you himself!!!”
And those words were enough to make Ginny’s wand clatter to the ground and have her crumble into herself. Ron caught her from behind midway her fall and steadied her in a tight solid embrace, looking at his mother calmly:
“Enough, mom, enough, Ginny…”
When the redheaded girl recognised her brother’s voice, she tried to break his hold on her, but a steel vice of a trained Auror was too much for her strength. She merely succeeded to spin inside the bear-hug to face him and banged her fists against the muscled torso:
“Why does he always have to choose you?! Why!?” she half screamed, half sobbed. “Why you!? I wish you were dead! I wish I was…” She broke down into a stream of hysterical sobs and tears and all the while Ron held her as if taking her anger and unrestrained aggression was a way to wash some of his guilt away. He never showed any signs he was willing to let go of her, even when she slapped him repeatedly and began spitting one insult after another into his face, as if he understood she would never have said anything half as horrible if he didn’t cut her so deeply. He simply anchored her and let all her wrath wash over him it and clean them both.
Bill took one look at them and quietly motioned to his family to let them be, to give them some space and one after another the Weasley family members dissolved into the tiny space of the Burrow.
A long time after they were left alone, Ginny’s sobs finally subsided and her fists fell loose by her sides… and slowly closed behind her brother’s back as if she suddenly felt robbed of all the strength she ever possessed.
She never felt so very empty, frail and exposed in all her life and for a moment there she was so fragile, her numbed brains allowed her to forget that she was only being held together by the very person who caused her distress. Her mind was completely blank and in the stillness that seemed to have frozen all the movements and all the sounds of the proverbially vibrant Weasley household she found solace inside the warm embrace made up of strong arms, securing her against a body, radiating the feeling of safety. Something about that hug was telling her everything was going to be alright and she was too destroyed to care where the feeling came from.
And then unexpectedly she felt the bear hug loosen up and her head was slowly pushed up by an unrelenting finger under her chin until she stared her brother in the eyes. And they were moist and so very blue from up close she somehow couldn’t hate him as much as she wanted to just because they were the very colour of innocence and because his voice was rough with all the held back emotion and regret:
“I never meant to hurt you, Gin. I’m so sorry, I truly am. For all it’s worth, Harry never chose me, not once, not ever since he’s been with you. He never would have, what you two have is too important for him... as it should be. What we had - and it’s all in the past now –was never going to be enough for either of us. He would always regret losing his family, or a chance of it and it would always feel wrong if I was to take him from you. I... tried... God help me, as much as I’m ashamed of it, I tried, I asked him to give you up to be with me – and he wouldn’t.
So there you go: you and what you’ve got is more important than this... thing between us ever was. I won’t lie, I might never be indifferent to Harry, my world rotated around him for far too long for that and he’s my best friend in the world, no matter what – but I will make you an Unbreakable Vow if you want me to, that I’ll never come between you and him as a husband and wife, ever again. It’s just... too hurtful and I wouldn’t be able to build my fortune on someone else’s misery, least of all yours, little sister.
I always wanted the best for you, though it might sound bollocks from where you stand, but I would never willingly hurt you. I was just... trying to heal myself, I guess, through the only affection that felt real in my life. But Muggles got this one thing right - they say you can’t heal yourself by breaking someone else. So I won’t take what’s yours anymore. Not ever again.”
“Not even if he’s willing?” said Ginny in the quietest of voices. “Not even if he’s finally willing to give it all up for you, Ron?”
The tall redhead felt a knot in his throat form and he shook his head almost imperceptibly: “Not even if he is, Ginny. I’ve already moved on.”
“I was going to ask you how you could have done that to me, Ron,” Ginny said quietly. “But now I’m not going to. Because I know. He told me last night. He told me everything, Ronnie, and it hurt…”
She quietly started sobbing in his arms again and he held her, just closing his eyes and wishing for a way to take her pain on his shoulders.
“He told me… and you have no idea…” she somehow choked through her tears. “He loves you so… wish he’d love me half as much.... I don’t even compare... He’d do anything for you… just as I would do anything for him… except letting him go… I can’t Ronnie, I truly can’t. I tried thinking about it and I can’t stand the thought. I know it’s selfish of me, but I can’t make myself let go of him. I don’t know what I’d do… Don’t take him from me… please…”
She looked at her brother with so much pleading, like a child hopelessly wishing for a star, that it broke his heart:
“Shit, Gin... of course not. I wouldn’t… Of course I won’t. You don’t even have to ask. He’s all yours. As I said, I’ve already moved on. And I mean it, I do. Look... I know it’s hard for you to believe, hell, it’s even hard for me to believe, but that blond bastard just works for me... he loves me the way Harry never did, never would. No one’s ever shown me... such enthusiasm, I suppose,” he let a small smile slip and continued quickly to mask his embarrassment: “I wouldn’t go through the trouble of asking mom and dad to accept us as, well “us”, if it was just a one-night fling. You have to believe me. I...”
“And you? Do you love him, Ron?” Ginny interrupted, her voice quiet but underlined with urgency to know the truth, to make sure there won’t be another attempt at her fragile chance of future with Harry. “Do you? Because if you don’t and you’re only doing that to fill up a hole that letting go of Harry is going to leave behind, that’s awfully inconsiderate and cruel even for you. Malfoy... as much as I hate the ferret - and have no illusions, I do, honestly so – I feel nothing but pity for him if he really loves you as much as you say he does and you’re just going to try and fake the real thing with him...” And run back to Harry once the rush of first excitement is over went unspoken, but Ron didn’t need his skills as legilimens to hear her loud and clear.
So he figured he owed her the truth: “I don’t know,” he admitted. “I don’t know if this is love or some other madness entirely, but I know it’s left its mark on me in a way I cannot dismiss. I’m drawn to him with a force that seems beyond me and I have about as much power to fight it like the running water does the funnel – I just can’t seem to be able to turn and run the other way, run away from him. It’s almost… scary, so powerful and mind-shattering it is and... oh, bloody hell, he’s been the only thing on my mind ever since that bathroom... oh, you really don’t need to know.
Harry doesn’t even... he’s been my entire world for god knows how long and I swear to you I didn’t even think of him once since last night, not... romantically, if you like. And I just look at that pale haughty wanker and something inside me melts and I want to... oh, I know, I know, too much information,” he waved his long arms in the air nervously when he saw the petrified look in her eyes. “I guess the point I’m trying to make here is, you needn’t worry. Even if Draco and I don’t work out, I can’t go back to Harry, knowing that there’s something out like that out there to be had. I hope that’s love. I have nothing to compare it with,” he looked at her with disarming sincerity. “But I can’t imagine it getting any better.”
“Good. Good then,” she said after a short consideration. “You’re honest with me. I... thank you,” she said simply. “I’ve had quite enough lies. So I reckon I can be honest with you as well. I can’t... I won’t be able to forgive you for quite a while, I imagine, but as long as you can promise me – and mean it, Ron! – that you can keep away from my man, I’m ready to make you a peace offer. In spite of everything, I do love you, we’ve always been the closest, haven’t we?” she gave a tired smile and closed her eyes for a moment, melting into the simple joy of the tight warm embrace closing around her.
“Reminds me of the times when we held each other through the storm, Ronnie,” she whispered quietly. “Can we hold each other through this one, you think?” She looked at him hopefully, a silent plea in her brown eyes reminding him of happier times when her childish full-hearted belief in him gave him the courage to be strong for both of them. So he nodded and kissed her brow and spoke quietly, but adamantly, for they were no longer children:
“I think so… I hope so… but I cannot do this alone, Ginny. I’m going to need your help, your cooperation, if you like. Look, I know you hate everything that has to do with the Malfoys, there’s no point in lying about it, and you, of all people have better reasons than most to do so. I can’t change that… but I’m still going to ask you to be civil to Draco. I can’t play a game of constantly having to choose between one or the other member of my family and him. I can’t. What I have with him is too precious and if you’re going to try to make me lose it just to get back to me, I’d like to point out that this is definitely not in your best interest. You want me happy with another man, Ginny,” he looked at her pointedly and she was once again reminded that this man, her brother, as oblivious and as uncouth as he sometimes came across, was also a chess master supreme. Another man in this case was also a man who was not Harry. And the logic behind his words was undisputable.
So she nodded in quiet acquiescence and asked curtly: “Anything else?”
“Do not encourage Harry’s antagonism towards him. Say nothing, if you can’t bring yourself around to support us, but do not throw oil to the fire of Harry’s hatred towards Draco or there will be trouble none of us want for this family. You know I have temper, we all do. It must come with the hair or something. Either way - you know how protective I get and like it or not, Draco is mine now. The way he was as a kid – he hardly had a choice how he was going to turn out, considered who raised him. But he’s not the same man, Ginny. The war has changed us all and he is no exception. He has not done anything, as an adult, to deserve the loathing Harry’s been shovelling his way – except expose the lies we built our lives upon. I dare say eventually our lives will be better for it, though it might come across as a rough patch right now.
I will deal with Harry on my own terms, as soon as I can, and I hope there’s something left of our friendship by the time I get to it. With the rate he’s going, there might not be. You’d do us all a favour to remind him about that. We were friends before we were lovers and I can’t imagine not being on the same wagon with him. I love the man to death and back, though – no, don’t give me that look - I’m not in love with him. Not anymore. I wonder if I ever was, if what I felt for him ever went beyond childhood infatuation. Me and my hero-worship, he?
I guess what I’m trying to say is - I’ll do everything in my power to keep his friendship, but he needs to back off. For once, this is about me, about my chance to be happy and I won’ t have him blunder it for me. I can do that myself very well thank you very much! It’ll be hard enough as it is… this is a fucking Malfoy, Gin, sometimes I wonder what the hell am I thinking!? But the thing is – I’m not. Thinking that is. I’m just following my heart for once and as bizarre as it seems, it’s taking me towards Draco Malfoy. Bloody hell, huh?!”
And Ginny Weasley could not suppress a tiny smile at her brother’s sudden attack of anxiety, so much more alike the sensitive awkward boy she grew up with than this solid self-assured mountain of a man in front of her.
“Bloody hell,” she agreed, surprised at the sudden spark of amusement in her own exhausted voice. “You just might pay for all your sins after all Ronald Weasley! Going for a Malfoy, really...” she couldn’t help teasing and knowingly pouring some oil on the fire of his anxiety – but was startled to see him give a blissful, bone-melting grin that testified of his infatuation better than any of his attempt at wording could have done.
“I know, serves me right, he?” he mumbled happily, blushing like a teenager, and kissed her on the cheek enthusiastically. “He’s worth it, though. Once you get past the icy façade, he’s all that and more! He’s got this fucking incredible...”
“Oh, no you don’t, Ronald Billius Weasley! I might have agreed not to hex off your balls and the appendixes of your boyfriend at first sight, but that does not mean that I’m willing to lend an ear to the glorification of the redeeming qualities of your pet snake! I think it’s pretty safe to say that there will never be a good time for that! And Ron – “ she looked him in the eye and after a short consideration gave a small peck on his cheek to seal their peace treaty.
“It’s love. No need to worry about that. The oblivious log you are, might not be able to recognise it, but you always wore your heart on the sleeve and right now you might as well be wearing a big blinking necklace saying “I’m crazy about Draco Malfoy”. You... glow, when you talk about him, and you get all protective and manly and bloody hell, I think the git is in for a ride of his life!” she finally laughed out loud full-heartedly at the sight of the suddenly tomato-like colour of her brother’s complexion, clearly spelling out the charming mixture of distress, embarrassment and enthusiasm.
“Now –how would you like to see the children, before you go? I know Hermione said a week at Granny Molly and they wouldn’t have it any other way, but I caught Rosie crying herself to sleep last night, because no one tucks her in like her “Pa” and there’s no saying what direction Hugo’s untamed magic might explode in, if he found out his Pa visited and never bothered to show his face! Did anyone tell you that he broke mom’s entire antique coffee set, levitating it around the room yesterday, no wand, nothing! No? Well, he did and mom wasn’t even angry, she almost burst at seams instead, so proud she was! Imagine one of us doing that, I’d rather volunteer for Azkaban, thank you very much! But his magic is amazing! Mom said...”
~
Carefully focused upon a safe topic of children, Ginny slowly led Ron outside and once the door clicked behind them at long last, two persons hiding behind a Disillusionment charm on the stairs were able to relax.
“I guess that’s it, then. It doesn’t look like she’ll try to hex him again, the smooth talker he is! What a bloody drama it was! You can put your wand away now, Charlie,” mumbled Bill, leaning backwards against a wide frame of his dragon-tamer of a brother and sounding just a bit exhausted.
“It’s not a wand, you fool...” whispered a warm breath right next to his ear and sent a jolt of new life through the tall muscled frame of the oldest one of Weasley children. “What’s the matter, Billy? Haven’t had one in such a long time you don’t recognise it anymore?” Charlie whispered in his taller brother’s ear, but his attempt at ridicule was lost in a poorly concealed moan when the Head Curse-breaker of the distinguished and exceedingly boring institution of Gringotts turned around and knocked his brother against the wall fiercely. Bill’s mouth was on Charlie before he could draw another breath and it was hot and desperate and needy, as only the mouth of one person, who didn’t get nearly enough of what they wanted most, could be.
“You know I’d only ever recognise yours...” Bill breathed inside his brother’s mouth and made him moan once again with a slow rubbing of obscenely talented silken tongue. “It’s only ever been you, Charlie... I’m waiting for you... each time... every time... no matter how long you make me wait... once a month is not enough... it’s never going to be enough for us... and there’s never going to be anyone else for me... put a continent between us and I’ll want you through the distance... put a string of your lovers - and they don’t matter... like my wife doesn’t... not when I’m with you. You’re all there is,” he said simply and destroyed what little self-preservation Charlie brought along, telling him to stay the fuck away from his very own brother.
He couldn’t. He never could. If anyone knew definition of hopeless love, it was Charlie. And he was past caring. It was love all the same. This was Bill and he was worth it all to Charlie. The isolation from his family because he couldn’t face the fake picture-happiness of Bill’s other life. The lonely bed; empty, save for that one time a month when it was warm and bubbling with joy, a small corner of the Universe, steamy with forbidden closeness and unleashed desire; a ridiculous caricature of his empty life thrown in a limbo by the crippling love. A small million of meaningless brief encounters with faceless lovers, never rubbing off on his soul; the lies and the secrets and the half-truths; the lost hopes of ever becoming a father.... This was Bill. Charlie’s very own poison. He’d rather die of it than give it up.
~
“Don’t be impatient, we can’t make a move yet.”
The voice of Harry Potter was tired, but as adamant as always as he stared at the steely grey of Lucius Malfoy’s eyes unrelenting.
“I don’t see why not! My... person at the Ministry tells me they have separated after a visit to Shacklebolt’s office. And there has been more shameful display of scandalous behaviour...” – Lucius cut his words abruptly because he simply couldn’t bring himself to repeat his informant’s words that his son was seen holding hands with the Weasley Antichrist! – “I’m sure you realize this calls for emergency intervention! I will not have this... “ – he barely managed to swallow down “blood-traitor “...this Weasley spawn sink a boat of the Malfoy house with my son still sitting in it! They are separated, they are vulnerable, I say we move!” the master of Malfoy Manor all but knocked his foot on the ground in his impotent wrath.
“And my sources tell me that your son is no longer at the Ministry! Since you have no information to testify otherwise, my guess is, he’s at Ron’s apartment – his heavily warded apartment, mind you. I know Ron, when he’s careful, he’s downright paranoid and unless the wards have been tuned to let you in, you’d turn up at St. Mungo’s – or worse! – before you could say “don’t mess with Ron Weasley”. And Ron – that much we do know – is at the Burrow. And that’s... surprising, even to me,” Harry admitted.
“There always seems to be an element of chaos about Ron, that’s why he’s so successful at work, the bad guys just can’t seem to figure him out – and more often than not, it is the undoing of Ron’s opponents to underestimate him. He’s all strategy underneath. He knows what he’s doing – but right now – I don’t. I’m utter crap at chess – a “hero” here, not a master-mind, if you please,” he pointed at himself mockingly, sounding bitter.
“Frankly - I have no idea what he hopes to achieve by visiting his family after that Prophet article this morning and with my wife there, I can’t see that working out for him. Still… he’s on his home ground, I can’t hope to get to him and knock some sense into that thick carrot head of his, not with all the people strolling about the Burrow. No… we need to plan this much more carefully and have an element of surprise on our side if this is ever going to work. We have to wait until they’re on the neutral ground, somewhere without wards and too many witnesses and then you’re free to deal with your son while I take care of Ron. It shouldn’t be too long: your son is not exactly a hermit and he seems to be… eager to flaunt his newest conquest around…” - Harry ground his teeth together at the infuriating thought – “…so I say we wait. And in the mean time...
I would appreciate some more faith in my dedication to the matter of dragging those two their separate ways,” he finished by raising his voice as well as his eyebrow pointedly – it simply wouldn’t do to be ordered around by Lucius Malfoy of all people. “Need I remind you, that I came to you and not the other way around? Believe me, I’m as anxious to have this abominable delusional fling of theirs burst to pieces as you are – but we need to do this right and for good. Ron is one crazy stubborn motherf-… man, he’s incredibly resourceful and if we bollock that up due to some hasty action on our part, he will be much more careful next time and we might not get another chance for some time to come. And we can’t have that. I…” need Ron, he wanted to say, but it was not appropriate and it was none of their business. “I will not screw this up and I will not let you do that either!” he finished instead and stared at Lucius with sharp unbreakable green gaze until he saw him cave.
“Very well, then,” grunted the older man begrudgingly, clearly discontent. “I might be willing to wait a tad longer… I only hope you know your “mate” as well as you think you do,” he added with no small amount of poison, but never got the satisfaction of seeing him flinch:
“As well as you thought you knew your son, I suppose. But we’re all in the dark here,” Harry added quietly and turned to leave, the sagged shoulders the only testimony of how hard he found it to be working against his best mate.
Narcissa Malfoy née Black did her best to escape his notice and fade into the background. “In the dark…” he had said. Good then, Blacks always worked best in the dark. She had gotten a pretty good idea of her husband’s plotting in the last few hours and it broke her heart to see how merciless Lucius was willing to be to break their son. Well, not on her watch. She had devised a simple plan of her own and she was about to approach an unlikely ally.
~ End of Part 11/2 ~
Next: ( Choices, Part 12 )
See also:
( Choices, Part 1 )
( Choices, Part 2 )
( Choices, Part 3 )
( Choices, Part 4 )
( Choices, Part 5/1 )
( Choices, Part 5/2 )
( Choices, Part 6 )
( Choices, Part 7 )
( Choices, Part 8/1 )
( Choices, Part 8/2 )
( Choices, Part 9 )
( Choices, Part 10/1 )
( Choices, Part 10/2 )
( Choices, Part 11/1 )
