Entry tags:
Once again I am nocturnal
A bitch of a day behind me, if I say so myself. Kids simply vampirized today - I mean, they're my kids, they're always difficult and I kind of already got used to that, I'm sort of immune to the "regular" kind of difficulty: but today they made me roar my throat sore. Several times.
Maybe they sense the change and they're nervous - after all, they're going back to kindergarten and school after what felt like endless summer holiday. I can understand nervous. What I can't understand is vicious. Why on God's bloody earth do they constantly feel the need to act as if they'd rather be friends with Voldemort than with each other?! I know they love each other - they miss each other terribly when they're apart, especially the little one does, it is a bit harder to read the feelings of my older son - Asperger's syndrome will do that to you. But I trust he loves his brother as well.
Why, then, can't they play together for one bloody minute - literally! - without it all ending in piercing screams and "mom, he tried to strangle me", "mom, help, he's biting", mom, mom, mom, mom...
They do have a father, mind you, but sadly my BF of many years is one of those distant geek types that would rather not get involved (unless it disturbs his programming focus) and I'm virtually a single mom most of the times. Wanna know how our holiday at the sea looked like? He was stuck in the hotel room working on a project and I was left to my own devices to take care of the kids. One, who only just learnt how to swim (I was nervous like a wasp when he headed for the water) and one who felt inexplicable need to head for the nearest road with heavy traffic at precisely the same time the other one hit the water. So much for healthy parenting. And I can't even complain - we really need the money and this project my BF is working on, will deliver. But I'm just saying... I'd really like to have three children, but with him - perhaps not. I'm not saying he doesn't love them, he very obviously does, there's not a thing he wouldn't do for them. Except hang out with them on day-to-day basis. Because that lacks obvious purpose and it's boring to an adult. Not every adult. But the type of adult he is.
I've met his mother, I know what I'm talking about. I'm willing to bet everything I own that her primary raising-up technique consisted of putting him 90% of time in front of this screen or another and just trying to pretend he does not exist. Children must be seen, but not heard, she told me once. My excruciatingly loud kids make her jump out of her skin. :) She and her meek compliant husband would visit for a week - she lives a 1000 miles away from us in another country altogether - and we're all glad to part ways. Except the husband, the kids granddad. He's a real cool guy. Literally, to be able to keep up with her and cool as in "wicked" - kids adore their opa. He gets to all kinds of things with them, takes them fishing, plays with them, reads to them...
It would be nice to have a life-partner like that. I'm not saying our opa, god forbid, I already have a father (oh, my what a thought! :P), but just someone who'd be able to show he cares. Not only when crisis hits - cause that's when my BF delivers, no doubt about that, he's been by my side through the worst of it - but on everyday basis. Cause it gets lonely and desperately tiring constantly being the only one to manage everything, the job, the exhausting daily driving on the country's most vicious highway (150 km every day), the entire household and the kids that would make The Horned one himself abandon Hell and head for the hills in a desperate attempt to save his sanity. On some days they squeeze my brain empty like a lemon. This was one of those days. As in making you want to tie them to the fence with a big sign: "Garage sale. Take one, get one free." Yeah, that bad. :)
I guess having to do some last-minute shopping for school stuff didn't really help improve the day. It is depressing for financial reasons; frustrating, cause kids always want the brand and most out-of-this-world stuff that cost a kidney on a black market; and nerve-wrecking because of the retarded school system that we have when you never know if you're going to get everything on time. Simply murderous.
So I'm once again stuck here in the wee hours of tomorrow, unable to sleep due to exhaustion. I did kill a chapter of my fan-fiction yesterday, though. As in finish, not scrap. Yey, go me, go! :) Though I'll undoubtedly have to rewrite it and edit it a million times, it's still a great relief to be rid of it. It's one of those chapters that needed to be written to glue the story together, but you wish it didn't really need to be there. Never mind, the next one will be so much more pleasant.
So will I see the inside of the bed-covers tonight? I certainly hope so. That's where I'm headed. :) For inspiration. New chapter, new day awaits. Hopefully better.
Maybe they sense the change and they're nervous - after all, they're going back to kindergarten and school after what felt like endless summer holiday. I can understand nervous. What I can't understand is vicious. Why on God's bloody earth do they constantly feel the need to act as if they'd rather be friends with Voldemort than with each other?! I know they love each other - they miss each other terribly when they're apart, especially the little one does, it is a bit harder to read the feelings of my older son - Asperger's syndrome will do that to you. But I trust he loves his brother as well.
Why, then, can't they play together for one bloody minute - literally! - without it all ending in piercing screams and "mom, he tried to strangle me", "mom, help, he's biting", mom, mom, mom, mom...
They do have a father, mind you, but sadly my BF of many years is one of those distant geek types that would rather not get involved (unless it disturbs his programming focus) and I'm virtually a single mom most of the times. Wanna know how our holiday at the sea looked like? He was stuck in the hotel room working on a project and I was left to my own devices to take care of the kids. One, who only just learnt how to swim (I was nervous like a wasp when he headed for the water) and one who felt inexplicable need to head for the nearest road with heavy traffic at precisely the same time the other one hit the water. So much for healthy parenting. And I can't even complain - we really need the money and this project my BF is working on, will deliver. But I'm just saying... I'd really like to have three children, but with him - perhaps not. I'm not saying he doesn't love them, he very obviously does, there's not a thing he wouldn't do for them. Except hang out with them on day-to-day basis. Because that lacks obvious purpose and it's boring to an adult. Not every adult. But the type of adult he is.
I've met his mother, I know what I'm talking about. I'm willing to bet everything I own that her primary raising-up technique consisted of putting him 90% of time in front of this screen or another and just trying to pretend he does not exist. Children must be seen, but not heard, she told me once. My excruciatingly loud kids make her jump out of her skin. :) She and her meek compliant husband would visit for a week - she lives a 1000 miles away from us in another country altogether - and we're all glad to part ways. Except the husband, the kids granddad. He's a real cool guy. Literally, to be able to keep up with her and cool as in "wicked" - kids adore their opa. He gets to all kinds of things with them, takes them fishing, plays with them, reads to them...
It would be nice to have a life-partner like that. I'm not saying our opa, god forbid, I already have a father (oh, my what a thought! :P), but just someone who'd be able to show he cares. Not only when crisis hits - cause that's when my BF delivers, no doubt about that, he's been by my side through the worst of it - but on everyday basis. Cause it gets lonely and desperately tiring constantly being the only one to manage everything, the job, the exhausting daily driving on the country's most vicious highway (150 km every day), the entire household and the kids that would make The Horned one himself abandon Hell and head for the hills in a desperate attempt to save his sanity. On some days they squeeze my brain empty like a lemon. This was one of those days. As in making you want to tie them to the fence with a big sign: "Garage sale. Take one, get one free." Yeah, that bad. :)
I guess having to do some last-minute shopping for school stuff didn't really help improve the day. It is depressing for financial reasons; frustrating, cause kids always want the brand and most out-of-this-world stuff that cost a kidney on a black market; and nerve-wrecking because of the retarded school system that we have when you never know if you're going to get everything on time. Simply murderous.
So I'm once again stuck here in the wee hours of tomorrow, unable to sleep due to exhaustion. I did kill a chapter of my fan-fiction yesterday, though. As in finish, not scrap. Yey, go me, go! :) Though I'll undoubtedly have to rewrite it and edit it a million times, it's still a great relief to be rid of it. It's one of those chapters that needed to be written to glue the story together, but you wish it didn't really need to be there. Never mind, the next one will be so much more pleasant.
So will I see the inside of the bed-covers tonight? I certainly hope so. That's where I'm headed. :) For inspiration. New chapter, new day awaits. Hopefully better.