my_thestral (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
my_thestral) wrote2013-10-06 11:32 pm
my_thestral) wrote2013-10-06 11:32 pm
Fic: Choices (5/1)
Author's note: Wow, if the world peace depended on my updating this journal, I guess this planet would have been long destroyed by combat. I'm not lazy, I try to write something every night, but I'm just involved with several stories at the time - and bothered by waaaay too many people in my efforts! Seriously, all I wanna do is write, possibly all day, but if I get one, perhaps two hours a day out of it, I consider it to be a successful day. Enough howling at the moon, there are busier people in this world than I and I don't see them trying to pull excuses out of their... erm, lovely behinds.
Much like previous part, this one has also been written for over a month, but I delayed posting it for different reasons, mostly because once I finished writing it, I wasn't sure it was doing all that much for a story I wanted to tell. But in the end I decided to keep it anyway, I like the characters to vampirize a little and that's about it for this chapter. I enjoyed it, I'm sorry if you can't. ;)
Again, a ton of thanks to my beta wwmrsweasleydo - that lady truly is priceless! :)
P.S. And I will be posting Part 5/2 directly, because it's actually a part of the same chapter, but LJ won't let me publish it - it seems to think the text is too long... yeah, what else is new? :)
Word count: 5800, this part
Pairing: Ron/Draco, some mention of past Ron/Harry
Rating: R (for language, I guess)
Disclaimer: not mine, no money - seriously, who'd pay to read this?! :D
Harry Potter was in hell.
There was a herd of roaring rhinos locked inside his head and for the millionth fucking time he tried to calm Ginny down, to stop the screaming that was making his head split in two. Why on God's bloody Earth did she have to screech so loud anyway?! There was nothing he did wrong in the end, was there!? It's not like he took up Ron on his offer as he should have, did he?! His heart squeezed in his chest every time he thought of that longing look in the crystal blue eyes, turning away from him with disappointment… only to look at another. To look at Malfoy of all people. The thought infuriated him so, that he almost welcomed his god-awful headache, because it was the only thing that prevented him from feeling how sore his heart was...
He knew he'd made a wrong decision, he knew it the second Ron turned away from him – and yet he didn't know how to fix it anymore, with Ginny barking at his back and Ron, his Ron, the love of his life, gone with another man. He couldn't even begin to contemplate over it or he'd simply explode in frustration and impotent anger. He only knew he was sorry, as sorry as a man could be for having missed his chance and he knew what he did – or didn't do tonight – would come to haunt him. In fact, he was paying for it dearly right now, when his wife started another endless campaign of insults and complaints.
"Can you please keep it down a little…" he tried tiredly, but Ginny was just too furious to give it a break.
"I can’t believe you went and did that to me…" she started bitterly once again, for what felt like the millionth time that night. "To go and parade me in front of all these people, making me think it was all for me, making a bloody fool of myself, while all the time you were really there to spy on him, weren’t you?! Weren’t you, Harry Potter!? Merlin Almighty, when did you transform into such a bastard?!” she barked with pure acid in her voice and Harry was glad he’d left his wand on the kitchen counter, cause he was about 3 seconds away from hexing her back into her beloved Merlin’s coffin.
“What exactly are you accusing me of?” he tried, putting his best effort into sounding reasonable and calm, just to start a conversation, to tune her down if only for a moment and stop the terrible vibrations in his head.
“Oh, please, Harry! Like.You.Don’t.Know!!! What kind of a fool do you take me for!? I might be naïve, but a blind man could see what you were up to, staring at him like that. You were practically drooling! Why the hell do you always have to look at him like you’re hungry or something?! And how come you never look at me like that?!” her screaming finally broke down into sobbing and she covered her face with her palms, crying hysterically.
Well, fuck. Now what?! Harry was as lost as any man would be in the face of woman’s tears. And this… this was extra complicated. He did feel genuinely sorry for her, having her evening end in such a disaster – he hadn’t really planned on that, not really. Hurting her wasn’t part of the plan; he was merely out there to protect Ron from himself, for god’s sake, from doing something stupid and irrevocable as only Ron could do! Everything was supposed to go down much more discreetly. He’d face Ron, his lover would repent and everyone would be happy for the evening. Except, possibly, Malfoy. He could go and rot in hell, as far as Harry cared.
But instead it had all somehow morphed into this giant mess where Ron threw a bloody fit - and that really wouldn’t be something to write Molly home about, cause Ron was just being Ron, throwing fits all the time – but this time he’d done it in front of the whole world; he’d publicly done something to spite his best mate and worst of all: Harry could see he was genuinely hurt. And that’s what scared him the most.
Ron, his Ron, the Ron he thought he knew, suddenly transformed into the terra incognita; unpredictable wild creature that always dwelled somewhere at the bottom of his insecurity and fiery temper. That was the Ron Harry didn’t get to see much since Hogwarts; Ron who was desperate to be special to someone, not realizing he was the most unique, wonderful creature Harry had ever met. Tonight Harry and the world met Ron who fiercely clung to his pride, just because he was always the last, always the poorest, always “the mediocre” guy. Which of course, he was not.
To Harry, Ron was the most magical of all magical creatures he’d ever encountered. Make that all creatures he’d ever encountered. Everyone. Perhaps Ron’s magic wasn’t a force of nature, like Harry’s was, he was not brilliant in the sense of intellect, like Hermione – and yet he somehow managed to pull people to himself like a magnet, and he only ever needed to be himself to do it. And that was no ordinary magic. Even Malfoy came to “the Ron shrine” in the end. The only one Ron was never good enough for was Ron.
And that Ron came out to meet Harry tonight, asking him, for once, to put him first, to acknowledge the undeniable feelings between them, to take his hand and jump into the unknown, leaving it all behind, like he himself had done it so many times for Harry. And Harry didn’t do it. He had denied him, humiliated him, kicked him in the raw, open heart that was on display with all its wonders for him to have. He didn’t do it, he didn’t take his one chance at happiness in life.
But Malfoy did. And that was what was making Harry’s blood boil more than anything else. How eagerly had Malfoy jumped at his chance, with his typical arrogance and complete disregard for any consequences! But how, why!? In spite of the blond’s confession – every bit as arrogant as the Slytherin was, putting everything on the line for Ron and coming clean with no fear of repercussions - Harry still couldn’t help to question his motives. If it was really there, that overwhelming love the blond claimed to have had for his best mate – how come they had both missed it so spectacularly?! Was this all some curious plot? A plot against him, Harry, perhaps, to take away what he’d miss the most?
But what if it was true? What if Malfoy was truly, genuinely in love with Ron – how long would it take before the undeniably attractive young man persuaded Ron that he was worth keeping? Honestly, with pedigree, money and proven over-protectiveness to the ones he cared about – how long? How long did Harry have to win Ron back, before he was lost to him for good?
He realized that the room had gone strangely quiet while he was lost in his thoughts and he looked at Ginny in her tear-streaked face, staring at him in what was dangerously close to hatred in her glassy eyes. And surely enough, she erupted again, though seething quietly for once:
“I hate you, Harry Potter! Why do you keep hurting me?! Why do you even go on keeping me around, when you and I both know who you’re really after? Why don’t you man up and for once, tell me how you really feel, so I can pick up what’s left of my pride and my life and just leave your lying arse behind!!!”
He knew it was too good to be true – it had once again ended in crescendo. But between his pounding head, his sorrowed heart and the truth of her words in this hell of an evening, he had finally lost his composure. Something in him snapped and the room shook with the force of his magic on edge. Honesty, is that what she was asking for?! He’ll give her honesty; he’ll have her choke in it! This whole evening had shaken him to the core and the man that emerged through the cracks of his ordinary shell was bitter, livid and frighteningly brutal. He spoke quietly, but his voice held so much underlying danger, that the air trembled with it and there could be no doubt that this man, as powerful as they came, had been pushed across the invisible boundary at last:
“What do you want from me, Ginny!? The truth?! Oh, I think you know the truth, I think you’ve always known it. I’m in love with Ron. There you go, just like your ladyship required. The truth. I bet right now you think it’s over-rated! But I can’t go on denying it anymore. I’m in love with your brother, always was. Gorgeous as you are, I’d never pay you another look if you weren’t his little sister, someone he cared about. Cause I can’t bring myself to care for anyone but him. I’ve tried. I’ve god-honest tried. I put all my effort in being a good husband, I’ve struggled to keep away from him, cause it would be the right thing to do, cause I love what we have right here, our little family. I thought it could be enough, this family, all I ever wanted, but it seems – not. I.Can’t.Fucking.Stay.Away.From.Him!! I can’t. I’ve tried, I’ve torn myself between your wishes and my heart and I can’t do it, Ginny.
All you ever saw was yourself and your misery, you never being shown enough love – but what about me, Gin?! The only love I ever had was completely out of my reach. Always was. First my parents, then him. The man’s married, for fuck’s sake! He’s a man. Imagine how well would that go down in “Hogwarts: A History”! Even when I first climbed into his bed I knew we would always have to hide it. I’m Harry-fucking-Potter, the Boy-who-, the Saviour-of-, the man who’s been hopelessly in love with his best friend for his entire fucked-up life – of course I could never be myself!
And along comes one Ginny Weasley and she thinks she can stand there, all long legs and fiery hair, looking like her brother, adoring me - and have me follow her on my knees. On account of what, exactly, Gin?! Can you honestly tell me you loved me for who I am and not for what I represent - honestly!? I was your hero from the start, I was everyone’s fucking hero before I could even think on my own, and no one bothered to see behind this. And I shot myself in the leg, time and time again, “saving” the fucking world and adding up to the legend – and all this time there was one, perhaps two people on the entire planet who knew who Harry Potter, just Harry, was really like. I say two, because I think Hermione might know me better than I’m even aware of. Bloody brilliant, that one, always was.
But if there’s one person that truly knows me, knows what I’m about, my darkest hours and my most glorious moments, it is Ron. He knows the worst and the best of me. He’s been by my side through the worst of times, my nightmares, my teenage depression, my fucking hero complex dragging us all around at Voldemort’s mercy. He’s been through hunger and deprivation and through his own lack of self-esteem for me. He knows me. All of me. And he still loves me. Not the illusion of me, but me, the real me. That’s why he didn’t turn away when I came looking for comfort that one time, after a particularly nasty nightmare. He let me stay, he comforted me and, in the end, he made love to me. Cause that’s what I needed. That’s right, we’ve been lovers since we were in our sixth year at Hogwarts, I bet you didn’t know that! Want the date as well? I didn’t think so. Never mind. I’ll never forget. One of the happiest nights of my miserable life.
And then you thought you could turn it all around with your little stunt of coming onto me in front of everyone?! You threw yourself at me and I looked at him, for god’s sake! If he hadn't given his silent consent, as hard as it was on him, we would never have become a couple, Gin! And that’s God’s honest truth. You owe your brother far more than you imagine. He knew how much you wanted this, us, to happen and he gave his consent just to give his little sister the best thing he thought ever had. Oh, don’t you give me that look as if you’re only hearing my ego talk – not even I’m so self-conceited to call myself “the best thing” Ron’s ever had! – I simply do, because that’s what he told me.
He came to me that night, the night after you and I started dating; he came to me, like he always did when I needed him - except for this time he needed me. It still haunts me how ghastly pale he was in the moonlight, how wild and desperate his eyes shone. I’ll never forget his words either, how small and bitter they sounded: “Can I still call you mine, Harry?” he asked me. “Even after tonight? God, why do I find it so hard to let you go? How do you give up the best thing you’ve ever had?”
He said those words, Gin, once again pushed behind someone else, this time just because he was a man and just because I wasn’t, not a man enough to give him what was his to have already: my heart. How could I have acknowledged what we had in a broad daylight? I was willing to face Voldemort in a heartbeat, but I didn’t have the courage to do that. The Boy who lived to be a coward, that’s what I really am,” Harry said bitterly, lost in memories of all the wrong choices and lost chances.
“But under the veil of the night, that night, I couldn’t fucking wait to prove it to him that he didn’t need to let me go, Gin. I couldn’t’ fucking wait. That man, your brother… he’s all I ever wanted, he really does me in. He knows how to touch me where I’m the most vulnerable and Christ, the way he makes me come…” He ran his fingers through his dishevelled hair at this point, his eyes electric and wild, as if a part of him knew that this was just plain hurting her on purpose and wanted to stop – but he was too hurt, too frustrated and too far gone to care, so he proceeded with unwavering determination:
“It takes one look from him to have my heart melting and my dick hard, that’s all I’m going to say. And also - you can’t compete, you can’t. No one can. No one even comes close.”
A moment of silence ensued as he was trying to collect what was left of his mind to pour into words and Ginny – Ginny was just too mortified for words. She would never have believed him capable of such… cruelty, such dark, purposefully cutting honesty… She requested it, she could hardly blame him for it, but this man in front of her… where did her husband go and who was he?! How much of him did she even know? Couldn’t have been that much, she was well aware of it now.
And yet, there was something about him at this moment that made her breath hitch and her heart almost jump out of its cavity. He was just… magnetic in his power, almost electrifying with his unbound magic cracking in the air around him and in spite of all the hurtful things he had said, she found she couldn’t take her eyes of him. This… was Harry Potter, in his purest undiluted form, the man who went out there to meet the meanest most powerful wizard of his time with no consideration to his own life, with no safety net. And Ginny was willing to bet everything she owned that in the last moments when Lord Voldemort stared into these bottomless green eyes, he must have been afraid. He must have realized he could never win. He never even stood a chance against the unbound determination of this overwhelming man, her husband.
She was startled when Harry spoke again, a new note in his voice, one of sorrow and regret joining the brittle anger from before:
“And you know, Gin, what’s the saddest, the most ridiculous part about this whole fucking mess? That I never got to tell Ron how much he means to me, that I never got to say the words… I should’ve let him know… I should not have assumed he knew, I should not have taken his feelings for granted. Look where it brought me in the end; look where it brought all of us! Perhaps if I said it, if I had heard myself say it, maybe it would have dawned on me sooner, how foolish it was of me to try and have it all: the unblemished fame, the father of the year reputation, the most desirable husband title and him on the side. When he should have never been on the side in the first place! He’s the fucking heart of my life, he is! How could I have gone so wrong to have him land in Malfoy’s arms!?
And there you stand, probably wondering, how could I have mislead you for years and years, while all this time you could have had a husband who would truly love you with all his heart? I’m not completely heartless and without consciousness, Ginny, I do realize that you deserve better, much better that I can give you. You’re bloody gorgeous, prettiest woman I’ve ever seen, Fleur with all her Veela heritage’s got nothing on you as far as I’m concerned! And you’re generous and passionate, brave and strong – and an excellent mom as I always knew you were going to be. I know you deserve someone to be the one and only for, everyone does – I just can’t be the one to give it to you. I think it was too late for us the first time I laid my eyes on Ron and felt the rush of warmth flood through me. He was the first person I clearly remember of ever welcoming me in my life. You can’t beat that, Ginny, you can’t beat who I was moulded to be by my less than glittering past. And now I’ve lost him and I pushed you away as well. Perhaps I was meant to be left with nothing after all.
My marriage was a lie, I put my love for Ron on a lie… sometimes the only thing that feels real in my life, are our children. They can’t be blamed for their father being a stupid heartless bastard, they’re so innocent and sweet and fragile and… I love them fiercely. I’d go down on my knees and beg you not to take them away from me, if I thought it would help. Though I doubt that much after this conversation,” he ground his teeth together bitterly, still uncommonly angry, but somehow strangely relieved of his burden. Coming clean felt good, it felt right, even though he knew there will be hell to pay in the days to come. Right now he needed his soul empty and his heart clean to be able to save what was left of his life and his love.
He looked at Ginny defiantly, fully expecting to see her stare back at him in hatred – but there was none of it in her soft brown eyes. There was pity, though, plenty of it and a strange look of recognition and resolve, as if someone has finally pulled the blinds up and her life was flooded with light, sharp and painful to the eyes, but making her see things clearly. Her life at the moment was an unflattering sight. Yet – for the first time in years, it had felt real. Not like an illusion of happiness she hopelessly tried to pursue, always eluding her by the skin of her teeth, but real in the way someone else, who was not so dead-set on self-delusion, could have seen it years ago. And it had somehow felt right. Not good. But right. She could go on now, where she knew where they stood.
Her husband was in love with another. With her own brother, of all people. With Ron, who was apparently ready to give Harry up for her to have, but couldn’t really do it, because Harry would never let him. She was the one that came to stand between them and not the other way around. It was not Ron who was always ruining everything. It was her own obsession with Harry that took things in a different direction and landed them all here, where no one wanted to be. Except, perhaps, Ron. He looked pretty damn happy with Malfoy hanging around his neck, didn’t he? How did that bastard of her brother always come out on top?! But she couldn’t say that to Harry, she couldn’t rub it in that “the love of his life” looked pretty comfortable with someone else. Not tonight, anyway. She’d never seen her husband so destroyed.
The man that emerged from the ruins of his own image was almost a stranger to her, but somehow she felt this was Harry she fell in love with in the first place. Not the polite gentle man that always went out of his way to give her what she asked of him, but this guy, this rough dangerous creature who was not afraid to speak the truth, who was bold enough to take the consequences. Somehow she loved him more in this moment that she did in all the sugar-coated years of their marriage. And she pitied him.
How could he have ever attempted something so stupid as to give true love up and then try to fake something that wasn’t really there? Didn’t he think she could tell the difference, for Merlin’s sake?! She grew up with love, her parents were head over heels into each other, she was cherished and spoilt by all her family members – but she realized that the only way this could have worked so far was because he had her full cooperation in hiding what he really felt. He was hopelessly trying to create a perfect illusion for all of them and she was willing to delude herself that their marriage was the ultimate expression of his feelings.
But deep down inside she had always felt that this shell of a perfect life was empty on the inside. That’s why she kept on asking for proof after proof of his affection, that’s why she gladly went along with him when he pushed to have kids as soon as possible. She had hoped having children would finally cement their marriage and add the solid weight of true love to their relationship, something she, in truth, never felt was there. She always told herself Harry loved her, but she knew she had to tell herself that in the first place because she never really felt it. And she always felt danger to her marriage radiating from Ron. Try as she might, she couldn’t forgive him; she couldn’t forget that he beat her to Harry’s heart, though inadvertently. She felt resentment and anger and a desperate urge to hurt her dashing brother. She would have to deal with him later. First Harry.
He did not love her, he said so himself. He loved their children, one’d have to be blind and stupid not to see that - but not her. Now this was her cue to leave the game. Kick him in the teeth, take the children and make him regret ever abusing her trust the way he did. Easier said than done, though… In spite of what Harry thought of her, she truly did love him. To hell with it, she adored him, she fucking worshiped the floor he stood on! Since forever. She didn’t know if she could ever exist without that obsessive love, it had been part of her for so long she didn’t know who Ginny Weasley Potter was without it. Could she really go back to just being Ginny Weasley? An ex-wife to a wizarding legend. Reduced to reading about the man she was desperate to have in the newspapers, about the life he would make without her, about where he’d take his heart…
She didn’t think so. She didn’t think she could do it. She’d rather be his wife, the discretely unloved spouse to the one and only of her world than an adored better-half to a lesser man. She knew she could not love anyone else but Harry. There was no other like him out there. Everyone else faded in comparison. And there would always be comparison. She knew she would always measure any other man against the shadow Harry cast.
But was it really all lost? Did it need to be? Could she continue to exist on what little he’d left her with? Was there still enough between them to be worth the effort? She found out she wanted it desperately. Perhaps he didn’t love her, but he had shared his bed and some of his most private dreams with her. He had cherished her enough to start a family with her, to bestow the care of his children onto her, his most prized treasure, and in the end he had trusted her enough to pour out his soul to her.
And he had called her gorgeous and generous – what better time to prove him right? Through thick and thin, or - for better and for worse, that’s what her marriage vows said. Love came later in the text. And she found out she was not willing to go back on herself on the small matter of her husband not loving her the way another man could. No one else was fit to clean Harry’s boots as far as she was concerned anyway and if she could live in a loveless relationship for so long and ignore it – perhaps she was strong enough to continue to live in it fully aware of what she could have and could not have. He had called her strong – he had no idea… The lengths Ginny Weasley Potter was willing to go, just to remain Ginny Weasley Potter surprised even her; now it was time to see if he was willing to hold on to what was left of their relationship.
She had looked him straight in the eyes and found out she needed all her courage to do so, for her look almost quivered at the darkness staring at her from those astonishing green eyes.
“I forgive you,” she said quietly.
It was clearly not something he expected to hear from her mouth. She saw him mouth a distressed “What…?”, but she didn’t want to give him too much time to ponder over it.
“I forgive you,” she continued, looking him straight in the eyes, as scary as it was, so that there could be no doubt about her intentions. “I forgive you, Harry Potter, for lying to me, for leading me on all those years, for staying with me only for the sake of our children. Though it hurts like hell right now, I forgive you for loving my brother instead, because there’s really nothing you can do about it and it is not something you willingly chose. Love chooses us and not the other way around. We are so often defenceless that it makes me cry, just look at me! – there couldn’t be another man on the planet I would be having this conversation with, but when it comes to you, I’m just a darned fool! I am and always was completely helpless when my feelings for you come into question. So I forgive you,” she said sternly and saw with relief that his face softened a little and it gave her the courage to continue with more heated determination:
“But I won’t be able to forgive you if you leave me behind after all you’ve put me through. I don’t want any more lies, it is what it is, and we both know I’m not the one you’d be with if you could choose. But I can’t bring myself to let you go, not yet. The children would eat me alive anyway,” she made a small smile and like every word, it was deliberate. It couldn’t harm her case to remind him what he stood to lose.
“I don’t want you to make me another promise you wouldn’t be able to keep, so I won’t make you promise anything. Just think this over: Are you really the only one who can make him happy? Cause that’s what you want, isn’t it, Harry? You want Ron happy and that’s why you want to be with him, cause you’re “the best thing” he ever had. A 16-year-old boy said those words to you, Harry. A boy, who felt he had no one to appreciate him, had no wife and children, never kissed another person in his life; a boy who was desperately clinging to this one thing, one person in his life that was making him feel as if he mattered.
Ron is not that person anymore, Harry. I found out the hard way, we all did, when we tried to make him bend his head to save his marriage and his reputation. He flat out refused. Why? Because somewhere down the road this boy has grown up and turned into one of the most self-assured people I’ve ever come to know. Who could stand up to his entire circle of family and friends for something only he believed in, if not the man who’s dead certain of himself? Even when I twisted your arm into compliance – and, doubt not, I know now that it was wrong of me to have done so – he still wouldn’t repent and I almost had to admire his stubbornness, though I hated him for it and – I won’t lie – I still do.
I don’t know what happened on that blasted search for Horcruxes you embarked on, but the Ron who returned was not the same insecure boy that left with you. He must have faced something… I’d be willing to bet it was pretty close to the worst of his demons - and he came out on the other end as hard and sharp as obsidian. That man needs no one to be happy. I know my brother, it must have devastated him that you left him hanging there all alone – but he recovered pretty quickly, don’t you think? Are you absolutely, positively certain, you’re the only one that can make him happy, Harry?”
“Yes!! No… I don’t know…” Harry admitted quietly, an image of Malfoy’s thin fingers wrapped in Ron’s fiery hair still burnt onto his brain. “I just know I can’t let Malfoy have him!” he erupted passionately, a wild look in his feverish eyes. “I can’t… He’s all wrong for him, he’s all wrong, period. He’ll hurt him, I know he will, and I don’t want to wait long enough to have to pick up the pieces of a broken man. This must be stopped!” he added adamantly and when she smiled at him sweetly, he knew he had found an unexpected ally.
“Do what you have to do, Harry,” she said quietly. “I find the thought of my brother and Malfoy just as repulsive as you do. I will not try to stop you from trying to break them apart; Merlin knows I’ll have to soap my brain clean from what I saw tonight!” she shuddered, the shock and the humiliation of the entire jet-set gaping at Ron sucking Malfoy’s face off still very much alive in her consciousness.
“But do keep in mind that I’ll be here, waiting for you, whatever you decide. You may not love me, but you said yourself: you love what we have here, our little family, and I hope you can find it in your heart to preserve it, not to risk it all for the sake of one man who might have already moved on. Just… go and see and come back to me, when you have the answer.”
Harry looked at her, a mixture of gratitude and unspoken apology in his eyes, and without warning, hugged her fiercely.
“You are a much better wife than a twat like me could ever hope for,” he said quietly. “And for what it’s worth – if I met you first, perhaps I could have given you that love that should be yours, because you’re simply the most amazing and wonderful woman I’ve ever met. I might not love you the way you deserve to be loved, but I admire and respect you like no other. You, Ginny, and your love, make me feel small and selfish, just as I ought to feel. No matter how things turn out between us – there will never be another woman more deserving of my love than you are, darling.”
“Shush, go away, you terrible sap,” she waved him away, before she would find it too hard to let him go. God, how she needed his strong arms around her tonight – and yet she knew that for once she had to let him go if she was to maintain any hope of winning him back. She was surprised to find out that tears were running down her face – damn Harry Potter and his ability to turn her into a sentimental tear-soaked sponge on a whim! She couldn’t watch him go, sorely aware she might be looking at him as her husband for the last time, if things don’t turn in her favour, so she headed for a bathroom to clean her tear-streaked face. The soft sound of the front door closing surprised her – for once Harry decided not to disapparate, but to walk away from what they’d built together and she felt her heart squeeze in her chest. She knew her husband well – some serious thinking was ahead and if she was in Malfoy’s shoes she wouldn’t be sleeping quietly tonight.
~ End of Part 5/1 ~
Next: Choices, Part 5/2
See also:
( Choices, Part 1 )
( Choices, Part 2 )
( Choices, Part 3 )
( Choices, Part 4 )
Much like previous part, this one has also been written for over a month, but I delayed posting it for different reasons, mostly because once I finished writing it, I wasn't sure it was doing all that much for a story I wanted to tell. But in the end I decided to keep it anyway, I like the characters to vampirize a little and that's about it for this chapter. I enjoyed it, I'm sorry if you can't. ;)
Again, a ton of thanks to my beta wwmrsweasleydo - that lady truly is priceless! :)
P.S. And I will be posting Part 5/2 directly, because it's actually a part of the same chapter, but LJ won't let me publish it - it seems to think the text is too long... yeah, what else is new? :)
Word count: 5800, this part
Pairing: Ron/Draco, some mention of past Ron/Harry
Rating: R (for language, I guess)
Disclaimer: not mine, no money - seriously, who'd pay to read this?! :D
Harry Potter was in hell.
There was a herd of roaring rhinos locked inside his head and for the millionth fucking time he tried to calm Ginny down, to stop the screaming that was making his head split in two. Why on God's bloody Earth did she have to screech so loud anyway?! There was nothing he did wrong in the end, was there!? It's not like he took up Ron on his offer as he should have, did he?! His heart squeezed in his chest every time he thought of that longing look in the crystal blue eyes, turning away from him with disappointment… only to look at another. To look at Malfoy of all people. The thought infuriated him so, that he almost welcomed his god-awful headache, because it was the only thing that prevented him from feeling how sore his heart was...
He knew he'd made a wrong decision, he knew it the second Ron turned away from him – and yet he didn't know how to fix it anymore, with Ginny barking at his back and Ron, his Ron, the love of his life, gone with another man. He couldn't even begin to contemplate over it or he'd simply explode in frustration and impotent anger. He only knew he was sorry, as sorry as a man could be for having missed his chance and he knew what he did – or didn't do tonight – would come to haunt him. In fact, he was paying for it dearly right now, when his wife started another endless campaign of insults and complaints.
"Can you please keep it down a little…" he tried tiredly, but Ginny was just too furious to give it a break.
"I can’t believe you went and did that to me…" she started bitterly once again, for what felt like the millionth time that night. "To go and parade me in front of all these people, making me think it was all for me, making a bloody fool of myself, while all the time you were really there to spy on him, weren’t you?! Weren’t you, Harry Potter!? Merlin Almighty, when did you transform into such a bastard?!” she barked with pure acid in her voice and Harry was glad he’d left his wand on the kitchen counter, cause he was about 3 seconds away from hexing her back into her beloved Merlin’s coffin.
“What exactly are you accusing me of?” he tried, putting his best effort into sounding reasonable and calm, just to start a conversation, to tune her down if only for a moment and stop the terrible vibrations in his head.
“Oh, please, Harry! Like.You.Don’t.Know!!! What kind of a fool do you take me for!? I might be naïve, but a blind man could see what you were up to, staring at him like that. You were practically drooling! Why the hell do you always have to look at him like you’re hungry or something?! And how come you never look at me like that?!” her screaming finally broke down into sobbing and she covered her face with her palms, crying hysterically.
Well, fuck. Now what?! Harry was as lost as any man would be in the face of woman’s tears. And this… this was extra complicated. He did feel genuinely sorry for her, having her evening end in such a disaster – he hadn’t really planned on that, not really. Hurting her wasn’t part of the plan; he was merely out there to protect Ron from himself, for god’s sake, from doing something stupid and irrevocable as only Ron could do! Everything was supposed to go down much more discreetly. He’d face Ron, his lover would repent and everyone would be happy for the evening. Except, possibly, Malfoy. He could go and rot in hell, as far as Harry cared.
But instead it had all somehow morphed into this giant mess where Ron threw a bloody fit - and that really wouldn’t be something to write Molly home about, cause Ron was just being Ron, throwing fits all the time – but this time he’d done it in front of the whole world; he’d publicly done something to spite his best mate and worst of all: Harry could see he was genuinely hurt. And that’s what scared him the most.
Ron, his Ron, the Ron he thought he knew, suddenly transformed into the terra incognita; unpredictable wild creature that always dwelled somewhere at the bottom of his insecurity and fiery temper. That was the Ron Harry didn’t get to see much since Hogwarts; Ron who was desperate to be special to someone, not realizing he was the most unique, wonderful creature Harry had ever met. Tonight Harry and the world met Ron who fiercely clung to his pride, just because he was always the last, always the poorest, always “the mediocre” guy. Which of course, he was not.
To Harry, Ron was the most magical of all magical creatures he’d ever encountered. Make that all creatures he’d ever encountered. Everyone. Perhaps Ron’s magic wasn’t a force of nature, like Harry’s was, he was not brilliant in the sense of intellect, like Hermione – and yet he somehow managed to pull people to himself like a magnet, and he only ever needed to be himself to do it. And that was no ordinary magic. Even Malfoy came to “the Ron shrine” in the end. The only one Ron was never good enough for was Ron.
And that Ron came out to meet Harry tonight, asking him, for once, to put him first, to acknowledge the undeniable feelings between them, to take his hand and jump into the unknown, leaving it all behind, like he himself had done it so many times for Harry. And Harry didn’t do it. He had denied him, humiliated him, kicked him in the raw, open heart that was on display with all its wonders for him to have. He didn’t do it, he didn’t take his one chance at happiness in life.
But Malfoy did. And that was what was making Harry’s blood boil more than anything else. How eagerly had Malfoy jumped at his chance, with his typical arrogance and complete disregard for any consequences! But how, why!? In spite of the blond’s confession – every bit as arrogant as the Slytherin was, putting everything on the line for Ron and coming clean with no fear of repercussions - Harry still couldn’t help to question his motives. If it was really there, that overwhelming love the blond claimed to have had for his best mate – how come they had both missed it so spectacularly?! Was this all some curious plot? A plot against him, Harry, perhaps, to take away what he’d miss the most?
But what if it was true? What if Malfoy was truly, genuinely in love with Ron – how long would it take before the undeniably attractive young man persuaded Ron that he was worth keeping? Honestly, with pedigree, money and proven over-protectiveness to the ones he cared about – how long? How long did Harry have to win Ron back, before he was lost to him for good?
He realized that the room had gone strangely quiet while he was lost in his thoughts and he looked at Ginny in her tear-streaked face, staring at him in what was dangerously close to hatred in her glassy eyes. And surely enough, she erupted again, though seething quietly for once:
“I hate you, Harry Potter! Why do you keep hurting me?! Why do you even go on keeping me around, when you and I both know who you’re really after? Why don’t you man up and for once, tell me how you really feel, so I can pick up what’s left of my pride and my life and just leave your lying arse behind!!!”
He knew it was too good to be true – it had once again ended in crescendo. But between his pounding head, his sorrowed heart and the truth of her words in this hell of an evening, he had finally lost his composure. Something in him snapped and the room shook with the force of his magic on edge. Honesty, is that what she was asking for?! He’ll give her honesty; he’ll have her choke in it! This whole evening had shaken him to the core and the man that emerged through the cracks of his ordinary shell was bitter, livid and frighteningly brutal. He spoke quietly, but his voice held so much underlying danger, that the air trembled with it and there could be no doubt that this man, as powerful as they came, had been pushed across the invisible boundary at last:
“What do you want from me, Ginny!? The truth?! Oh, I think you know the truth, I think you’ve always known it. I’m in love with Ron. There you go, just like your ladyship required. The truth. I bet right now you think it’s over-rated! But I can’t go on denying it anymore. I’m in love with your brother, always was. Gorgeous as you are, I’d never pay you another look if you weren’t his little sister, someone he cared about. Cause I can’t bring myself to care for anyone but him. I’ve tried. I’ve god-honest tried. I put all my effort in being a good husband, I’ve struggled to keep away from him, cause it would be the right thing to do, cause I love what we have right here, our little family. I thought it could be enough, this family, all I ever wanted, but it seems – not. I.Can’t.Fucking.Stay.Away.From.Him!! I can’t. I’ve tried, I’ve torn myself between your wishes and my heart and I can’t do it, Ginny.
All you ever saw was yourself and your misery, you never being shown enough love – but what about me, Gin?! The only love I ever had was completely out of my reach. Always was. First my parents, then him. The man’s married, for fuck’s sake! He’s a man. Imagine how well would that go down in “Hogwarts: A History”! Even when I first climbed into his bed I knew we would always have to hide it. I’m Harry-fucking-Potter, the Boy-who-, the Saviour-of-, the man who’s been hopelessly in love with his best friend for his entire fucked-up life – of course I could never be myself!
And along comes one Ginny Weasley and she thinks she can stand there, all long legs and fiery hair, looking like her brother, adoring me - and have me follow her on my knees. On account of what, exactly, Gin?! Can you honestly tell me you loved me for who I am and not for what I represent - honestly!? I was your hero from the start, I was everyone’s fucking hero before I could even think on my own, and no one bothered to see behind this. And I shot myself in the leg, time and time again, “saving” the fucking world and adding up to the legend – and all this time there was one, perhaps two people on the entire planet who knew who Harry Potter, just Harry, was really like. I say two, because I think Hermione might know me better than I’m even aware of. Bloody brilliant, that one, always was.
But if there’s one person that truly knows me, knows what I’m about, my darkest hours and my most glorious moments, it is Ron. He knows the worst and the best of me. He’s been by my side through the worst of times, my nightmares, my teenage depression, my fucking hero complex dragging us all around at Voldemort’s mercy. He’s been through hunger and deprivation and through his own lack of self-esteem for me. He knows me. All of me. And he still loves me. Not the illusion of me, but me, the real me. That’s why he didn’t turn away when I came looking for comfort that one time, after a particularly nasty nightmare. He let me stay, he comforted me and, in the end, he made love to me. Cause that’s what I needed. That’s right, we’ve been lovers since we were in our sixth year at Hogwarts, I bet you didn’t know that! Want the date as well? I didn’t think so. Never mind. I’ll never forget. One of the happiest nights of my miserable life.
And then you thought you could turn it all around with your little stunt of coming onto me in front of everyone?! You threw yourself at me and I looked at him, for god’s sake! If he hadn't given his silent consent, as hard as it was on him, we would never have become a couple, Gin! And that’s God’s honest truth. You owe your brother far more than you imagine. He knew how much you wanted this, us, to happen and he gave his consent just to give his little sister the best thing he thought ever had. Oh, don’t you give me that look as if you’re only hearing my ego talk – not even I’m so self-conceited to call myself “the best thing” Ron’s ever had! – I simply do, because that’s what he told me.
He came to me that night, the night after you and I started dating; he came to me, like he always did when I needed him - except for this time he needed me. It still haunts me how ghastly pale he was in the moonlight, how wild and desperate his eyes shone. I’ll never forget his words either, how small and bitter they sounded: “Can I still call you mine, Harry?” he asked me. “Even after tonight? God, why do I find it so hard to let you go? How do you give up the best thing you’ve ever had?”
He said those words, Gin, once again pushed behind someone else, this time just because he was a man and just because I wasn’t, not a man enough to give him what was his to have already: my heart. How could I have acknowledged what we had in a broad daylight? I was willing to face Voldemort in a heartbeat, but I didn’t have the courage to do that. The Boy who lived to be a coward, that’s what I really am,” Harry said bitterly, lost in memories of all the wrong choices and lost chances.
“But under the veil of the night, that night, I couldn’t fucking wait to prove it to him that he didn’t need to let me go, Gin. I couldn’t’ fucking wait. That man, your brother… he’s all I ever wanted, he really does me in. He knows how to touch me where I’m the most vulnerable and Christ, the way he makes me come…” He ran his fingers through his dishevelled hair at this point, his eyes electric and wild, as if a part of him knew that this was just plain hurting her on purpose and wanted to stop – but he was too hurt, too frustrated and too far gone to care, so he proceeded with unwavering determination:
“It takes one look from him to have my heart melting and my dick hard, that’s all I’m going to say. And also - you can’t compete, you can’t. No one can. No one even comes close.”
A moment of silence ensued as he was trying to collect what was left of his mind to pour into words and Ginny – Ginny was just too mortified for words. She would never have believed him capable of such… cruelty, such dark, purposefully cutting honesty… She requested it, she could hardly blame him for it, but this man in front of her… where did her husband go and who was he?! How much of him did she even know? Couldn’t have been that much, she was well aware of it now.
And yet, there was something about him at this moment that made her breath hitch and her heart almost jump out of its cavity. He was just… magnetic in his power, almost electrifying with his unbound magic cracking in the air around him and in spite of all the hurtful things he had said, she found she couldn’t take her eyes of him. This… was Harry Potter, in his purest undiluted form, the man who went out there to meet the meanest most powerful wizard of his time with no consideration to his own life, with no safety net. And Ginny was willing to bet everything she owned that in the last moments when Lord Voldemort stared into these bottomless green eyes, he must have been afraid. He must have realized he could never win. He never even stood a chance against the unbound determination of this overwhelming man, her husband.
She was startled when Harry spoke again, a new note in his voice, one of sorrow and regret joining the brittle anger from before:
“And you know, Gin, what’s the saddest, the most ridiculous part about this whole fucking mess? That I never got to tell Ron how much he means to me, that I never got to say the words… I should’ve let him know… I should not have assumed he knew, I should not have taken his feelings for granted. Look where it brought me in the end; look where it brought all of us! Perhaps if I said it, if I had heard myself say it, maybe it would have dawned on me sooner, how foolish it was of me to try and have it all: the unblemished fame, the father of the year reputation, the most desirable husband title and him on the side. When he should have never been on the side in the first place! He’s the fucking heart of my life, he is! How could I have gone so wrong to have him land in Malfoy’s arms!?
And there you stand, probably wondering, how could I have mislead you for years and years, while all this time you could have had a husband who would truly love you with all his heart? I’m not completely heartless and without consciousness, Ginny, I do realize that you deserve better, much better that I can give you. You’re bloody gorgeous, prettiest woman I’ve ever seen, Fleur with all her Veela heritage’s got nothing on you as far as I’m concerned! And you’re generous and passionate, brave and strong – and an excellent mom as I always knew you were going to be. I know you deserve someone to be the one and only for, everyone does – I just can’t be the one to give it to you. I think it was too late for us the first time I laid my eyes on Ron and felt the rush of warmth flood through me. He was the first person I clearly remember of ever welcoming me in my life. You can’t beat that, Ginny, you can’t beat who I was moulded to be by my less than glittering past. And now I’ve lost him and I pushed you away as well. Perhaps I was meant to be left with nothing after all.
My marriage was a lie, I put my love for Ron on a lie… sometimes the only thing that feels real in my life, are our children. They can’t be blamed for their father being a stupid heartless bastard, they’re so innocent and sweet and fragile and… I love them fiercely. I’d go down on my knees and beg you not to take them away from me, if I thought it would help. Though I doubt that much after this conversation,” he ground his teeth together bitterly, still uncommonly angry, but somehow strangely relieved of his burden. Coming clean felt good, it felt right, even though he knew there will be hell to pay in the days to come. Right now he needed his soul empty and his heart clean to be able to save what was left of his life and his love.
He looked at Ginny defiantly, fully expecting to see her stare back at him in hatred – but there was none of it in her soft brown eyes. There was pity, though, plenty of it and a strange look of recognition and resolve, as if someone has finally pulled the blinds up and her life was flooded with light, sharp and painful to the eyes, but making her see things clearly. Her life at the moment was an unflattering sight. Yet – for the first time in years, it had felt real. Not like an illusion of happiness she hopelessly tried to pursue, always eluding her by the skin of her teeth, but real in the way someone else, who was not so dead-set on self-delusion, could have seen it years ago. And it had somehow felt right. Not good. But right. She could go on now, where she knew where they stood.
Her husband was in love with another. With her own brother, of all people. With Ron, who was apparently ready to give Harry up for her to have, but couldn’t really do it, because Harry would never let him. She was the one that came to stand between them and not the other way around. It was not Ron who was always ruining everything. It was her own obsession with Harry that took things in a different direction and landed them all here, where no one wanted to be. Except, perhaps, Ron. He looked pretty damn happy with Malfoy hanging around his neck, didn’t he? How did that bastard of her brother always come out on top?! But she couldn’t say that to Harry, she couldn’t rub it in that “the love of his life” looked pretty comfortable with someone else. Not tonight, anyway. She’d never seen her husband so destroyed.
The man that emerged from the ruins of his own image was almost a stranger to her, but somehow she felt this was Harry she fell in love with in the first place. Not the polite gentle man that always went out of his way to give her what she asked of him, but this guy, this rough dangerous creature who was not afraid to speak the truth, who was bold enough to take the consequences. Somehow she loved him more in this moment that she did in all the sugar-coated years of their marriage. And she pitied him.
How could he have ever attempted something so stupid as to give true love up and then try to fake something that wasn’t really there? Didn’t he think she could tell the difference, for Merlin’s sake?! She grew up with love, her parents were head over heels into each other, she was cherished and spoilt by all her family members – but she realized that the only way this could have worked so far was because he had her full cooperation in hiding what he really felt. He was hopelessly trying to create a perfect illusion for all of them and she was willing to delude herself that their marriage was the ultimate expression of his feelings.
But deep down inside she had always felt that this shell of a perfect life was empty on the inside. That’s why she kept on asking for proof after proof of his affection, that’s why she gladly went along with him when he pushed to have kids as soon as possible. She had hoped having children would finally cement their marriage and add the solid weight of true love to their relationship, something she, in truth, never felt was there. She always told herself Harry loved her, but she knew she had to tell herself that in the first place because she never really felt it. And she always felt danger to her marriage radiating from Ron. Try as she might, she couldn’t forgive him; she couldn’t forget that he beat her to Harry’s heart, though inadvertently. She felt resentment and anger and a desperate urge to hurt her dashing brother. She would have to deal with him later. First Harry.
He did not love her, he said so himself. He loved their children, one’d have to be blind and stupid not to see that - but not her. Now this was her cue to leave the game. Kick him in the teeth, take the children and make him regret ever abusing her trust the way he did. Easier said than done, though… In spite of what Harry thought of her, she truly did love him. To hell with it, she adored him, she fucking worshiped the floor he stood on! Since forever. She didn’t know if she could ever exist without that obsessive love, it had been part of her for so long she didn’t know who Ginny Weasley Potter was without it. Could she really go back to just being Ginny Weasley? An ex-wife to a wizarding legend. Reduced to reading about the man she was desperate to have in the newspapers, about the life he would make without her, about where he’d take his heart…
She didn’t think so. She didn’t think she could do it. She’d rather be his wife, the discretely unloved spouse to the one and only of her world than an adored better-half to a lesser man. She knew she could not love anyone else but Harry. There was no other like him out there. Everyone else faded in comparison. And there would always be comparison. She knew she would always measure any other man against the shadow Harry cast.
But was it really all lost? Did it need to be? Could she continue to exist on what little he’d left her with? Was there still enough between them to be worth the effort? She found out she wanted it desperately. Perhaps he didn’t love her, but he had shared his bed and some of his most private dreams with her. He had cherished her enough to start a family with her, to bestow the care of his children onto her, his most prized treasure, and in the end he had trusted her enough to pour out his soul to her.
And he had called her gorgeous and generous – what better time to prove him right? Through thick and thin, or - for better and for worse, that’s what her marriage vows said. Love came later in the text. And she found out she was not willing to go back on herself on the small matter of her husband not loving her the way another man could. No one else was fit to clean Harry’s boots as far as she was concerned anyway and if she could live in a loveless relationship for so long and ignore it – perhaps she was strong enough to continue to live in it fully aware of what she could have and could not have. He had called her strong – he had no idea… The lengths Ginny Weasley Potter was willing to go, just to remain Ginny Weasley Potter surprised even her; now it was time to see if he was willing to hold on to what was left of their relationship.
She had looked him straight in the eyes and found out she needed all her courage to do so, for her look almost quivered at the darkness staring at her from those astonishing green eyes.
“I forgive you,” she said quietly.
It was clearly not something he expected to hear from her mouth. She saw him mouth a distressed “What…?”, but she didn’t want to give him too much time to ponder over it.
“I forgive you,” she continued, looking him straight in the eyes, as scary as it was, so that there could be no doubt about her intentions. “I forgive you, Harry Potter, for lying to me, for leading me on all those years, for staying with me only for the sake of our children. Though it hurts like hell right now, I forgive you for loving my brother instead, because there’s really nothing you can do about it and it is not something you willingly chose. Love chooses us and not the other way around. We are so often defenceless that it makes me cry, just look at me! – there couldn’t be another man on the planet I would be having this conversation with, but when it comes to you, I’m just a darned fool! I am and always was completely helpless when my feelings for you come into question. So I forgive you,” she said sternly and saw with relief that his face softened a little and it gave her the courage to continue with more heated determination:
“But I won’t be able to forgive you if you leave me behind after all you’ve put me through. I don’t want any more lies, it is what it is, and we both know I’m not the one you’d be with if you could choose. But I can’t bring myself to let you go, not yet. The children would eat me alive anyway,” she made a small smile and like every word, it was deliberate. It couldn’t harm her case to remind him what he stood to lose.
“I don’t want you to make me another promise you wouldn’t be able to keep, so I won’t make you promise anything. Just think this over: Are you really the only one who can make him happy? Cause that’s what you want, isn’t it, Harry? You want Ron happy and that’s why you want to be with him, cause you’re “the best thing” he ever had. A 16-year-old boy said those words to you, Harry. A boy, who felt he had no one to appreciate him, had no wife and children, never kissed another person in his life; a boy who was desperately clinging to this one thing, one person in his life that was making him feel as if he mattered.
Ron is not that person anymore, Harry. I found out the hard way, we all did, when we tried to make him bend his head to save his marriage and his reputation. He flat out refused. Why? Because somewhere down the road this boy has grown up and turned into one of the most self-assured people I’ve ever come to know. Who could stand up to his entire circle of family and friends for something only he believed in, if not the man who’s dead certain of himself? Even when I twisted your arm into compliance – and, doubt not, I know now that it was wrong of me to have done so – he still wouldn’t repent and I almost had to admire his stubbornness, though I hated him for it and – I won’t lie – I still do.
I don’t know what happened on that blasted search for Horcruxes you embarked on, but the Ron who returned was not the same insecure boy that left with you. He must have faced something… I’d be willing to bet it was pretty close to the worst of his demons - and he came out on the other end as hard and sharp as obsidian. That man needs no one to be happy. I know my brother, it must have devastated him that you left him hanging there all alone – but he recovered pretty quickly, don’t you think? Are you absolutely, positively certain, you’re the only one that can make him happy, Harry?”
“Yes!! No… I don’t know…” Harry admitted quietly, an image of Malfoy’s thin fingers wrapped in Ron’s fiery hair still burnt onto his brain. “I just know I can’t let Malfoy have him!” he erupted passionately, a wild look in his feverish eyes. “I can’t… He’s all wrong for him, he’s all wrong, period. He’ll hurt him, I know he will, and I don’t want to wait long enough to have to pick up the pieces of a broken man. This must be stopped!” he added adamantly and when she smiled at him sweetly, he knew he had found an unexpected ally.
“Do what you have to do, Harry,” she said quietly. “I find the thought of my brother and Malfoy just as repulsive as you do. I will not try to stop you from trying to break them apart; Merlin knows I’ll have to soap my brain clean from what I saw tonight!” she shuddered, the shock and the humiliation of the entire jet-set gaping at Ron sucking Malfoy’s face off still very much alive in her consciousness.
“But do keep in mind that I’ll be here, waiting for you, whatever you decide. You may not love me, but you said yourself: you love what we have here, our little family, and I hope you can find it in your heart to preserve it, not to risk it all for the sake of one man who might have already moved on. Just… go and see and come back to me, when you have the answer.”
Harry looked at her, a mixture of gratitude and unspoken apology in his eyes, and without warning, hugged her fiercely.
“You are a much better wife than a twat like me could ever hope for,” he said quietly. “And for what it’s worth – if I met you first, perhaps I could have given you that love that should be yours, because you’re simply the most amazing and wonderful woman I’ve ever met. I might not love you the way you deserve to be loved, but I admire and respect you like no other. You, Ginny, and your love, make me feel small and selfish, just as I ought to feel. No matter how things turn out between us – there will never be another woman more deserving of my love than you are, darling.”
“Shush, go away, you terrible sap,” she waved him away, before she would find it too hard to let him go. God, how she needed his strong arms around her tonight – and yet she knew that for once she had to let him go if she was to maintain any hope of winning him back. She was surprised to find out that tears were running down her face – damn Harry Potter and his ability to turn her into a sentimental tear-soaked sponge on a whim! She couldn’t watch him go, sorely aware she might be looking at him as her husband for the last time, if things don’t turn in her favour, so she headed for a bathroom to clean her tear-streaked face. The soft sound of the front door closing surprised her – for once Harry decided not to disapparate, but to walk away from what they’d built together and she felt her heart squeeze in her chest. She knew her husband well – some serious thinking was ahead and if she was in Malfoy’s shoes she wouldn’t be sleeping quietly tonight.
~ End of Part 5/1 ~
Next: Choices, Part 5/2
See also:
( Choices, Part 1 )
( Choices, Part 2 )
( Choices, Part 3 )
( Choices, Part 4 )